Twas the day after Christmas and all through the house

We had such a nice last few days. On Christmas eve, I stayed in my pajamas all day long until it was time to dress for the 11:00 pm service. We were the advent readers for that service and lit the candles. It was something new for us and something we really enjoyed doing.

Let's go back a couple of days, though.
Tuesday was a wonderful day for me. I got to finally skype with Eric and hear his voice. That was wonderful. I got one brief glance of him before the computer crashed. We did get to talk though.

On Wednesday, it snowed again. Not much, but we were hoping for a white Christmas. That was not to be. Wednesday was a quiet day. The snow seems to make it that way. I finished shopping at lunch time except for groceries. Dean and I did that in the evening.

As I said Thursday was a nice day. I cooked and cleaned, but it was so nice to be home. Joy Anna got out and visited her friends off and on during the day. She and Clay went to a party in the evening and met us at the church. Last year, Joy Anna and I went to the Christmas eve service at Western Hills. We only knew Marie, Megan, and Kali then. This year, it was sad they were not with us, but we knew so many people. It has become our home church. Leaving the church in the crisp, cool stillness of the midnight hour is just so awesome after the service. Makes you so aware of the meaning of the night.

We had communion at the service. After a lifetime of the Lord's Supper in a baptist church, communion is so different. At first it was awkward. I have always been taught that you only take the Lord's supper after your heart has been made right with Lord. You pray and confess your sins, get things right with Him. The way we had always done it - pass the bread, pass the cups, etc- gave you plenty of time to pray and get things right. At first, I felt hurried to get things right before going up front for communion. Now, I prepare ahead of time. When you get to the front of the church and are handed the bread, they say "Jesus' body broken for you" when you dip it in the cup, you are told "Jesus' blood spilled for you." It is so personal. When you know the person who is doing it- Christmas eve it was the pastor and his wife - they put your name in front. Talk about personal. It was for me. It is for me.

Christmas morning we got up early- not too early, though. We stayed in our pajamas and got breakfast in the oven before we opened gifts. It was odd to just have three stockings and three piles of gifts. There have not been just three of us at home for Christmas since 1991 and I think we had grandparents with us. It was okay, though. We had a good time opening presents and enjoying one another.

The Richkoskis came down in their pajamas to open gifts and have brunch. We had a lot of fun having little ones here for Christmas. Aunt Anne and Uncle Jiggs came a little later to have brunch with us. We all got in the den and called Eric on Skype. he couldn't see us, but we got to see him. We all were excited. Olivia asked him lots of questions. She has been concerned that he didn't have a place to sleep since he left his bed here. It was fun to hear him chat with all of us and to actually see him. He looks good.

We had a nice brunch and enjoyed the company so much. After everyone left, we got dressed and ready to go to the Wallace's for lunch. We enjoyed lunch with them, the Richkowskis and Amy & Katie, and a coworker of Andi who just moved to El Paso. Having us all together was a lot of fun. After a while, Joy Anna took the little ones home so they could nap. We were all lazy after that. We took naps, watched tv, and just chilled. Clay came over late and hung out for a bit. Over all, a really nice day.

Today we went to the outlet mall. It was too crowded to shop. Joy Anna needed a smaller wallet. We basically did that and headed home. A very quiet day. I decided today that I am bored. I have never been one to sit and watch tv without doing something else. Since we don't have a working laptop, I cant haul a computer in there to sit with Dean and me work on photos or something. I get so bored while he watches football or those dumb cop shows. I need something to keep my busy. Tonight I have hung out in the den where the computer is, but I don't like being in here and him in there. I don't have photoshop at home either. I hate spending money on books. I miss the Library at MBC. I went to buy yarn, but it was not on sale, and I refuse to pay full price. So, I guess for a while I will just have to be bored.

Tomorrow we are going to the movies and see Avatar. Joy Anna saw it twice, so hopefully it will be a good movie.

3 months and so much has happened

When I posted last we really didn't know what was wrong with Joy Anna. We were waiting to see Eric in the brief time he would be here before leaving. We were struggling along.

Since then, Joy Anna had two more tests and ended up having her gall bladder out in late October. She turned 17 the next week. She is still very thin despite being able to eat.

Eric came home for about 10 days. They were good. They seem so long ago now. We have not heard his voice in 2 and half months. Despite him having very nice housing, they just don't have internet. We are so excited that we are going to actually get to skype with him this week.

Dean is working. His job is a just a job. He is still keeping an eye out for something else. We are torn as to whether we actually want to stay here in El Paso. Joy Anna was a main reason we stayed, and she plans to leave in the fall for school. But for now, we are here and making the best of it.

I am still working. It is very different. I seem to be tired a lot of the time. I like what I am doing. I like the people. I just really miss being at home. Dream job for me would actually be doing photos and graphics all day. I get to do it alot, but it is not for me. I am very thankful I do get to be creative. I would just wither if that were not the case.

Christmas is upon us. Last week was hard. It marked a year of Nanny being gone. Add to that Eric being on his mission, and well things have just been different. Joy Anna tried to decorate the tree. She kept crying so she quit. I finally did it yesterday, but I cried too. I hope next year will be easier.

I mailed Eric's Christmas gifts on Dec. 2. He still didn't have them before he left on a 2 week trek to another part of the country. I guess they can have Christmas again when they get back to their city.

Well, I must sleep. Tomorrow is going to be full.

I will try to do better at blogging and being positive when I do

I seem to need to blog when I am stressed out. I am fairly certain it has been so long since I posted that my readership has dwindled to nothing. Oh well. I need it for me and not for anyone else anyway.

Joy Anna has not been feeling well. I think we are all a little worried though she is the only one that puts it into words. She has had one test and has another one scheduled for Thursday. The surgery center requires you to pay up front. I can't even set up payments. On top of that, Dean's blood sugar has been bad. The doctor put him on new medicines today. It seems like every other day it is another 100 at the pharmacy. And we have insurance. This month we have had a visit to the ER, a sonogram, 4 office visits, lab work, and a ton of prescriptions and an endoscopy scheduled for Thursday.

The house has not had a rent paid on it since May. We are sinking. I feel like I owe so many people and am just struggling to pay the basics. The house needs to sell so badly. I had had such big plans of being able to help Eric get the things he needed before he leaves for the mission. I guess that won't happen. I am glad he has gotten paid while he has been gone. He'll have to buy his supplies himself.

Joy Anna is paying for almost everything she needs or wants except the doctor. I hate this. I want to be able to do things for her. She doesn't complain.

I was doing really well for a while with my blood pressure. I think that ended this week. I am really feeling stressed which jacks up my blood pressure. I'm not sleeping well. I can't seem to lose weight. I know I need to for my blood pressure and my feet. Carrying me around is killing my feet. I need to see a foot doctor, but that is not as necessary as Dean's blood sugar and whatever this is with Joy Anna.

I used to be so faithful about blogging. It isn't that I don't have anything to say. I think that maybe for a time I should just journal- the old fashioned way- pen and paper or even a word file. So much that I want to get out is probably not for the general public. Writing has always helped me process emotions.

Joy Anna is in California. I really miss her. She seems to be having a lot of fun. She did get her driver's license on Monday. She is not real confident yet. I registered her for school today. It is so dumb that they start registering 6 months in advance. Because of that, it was a real ordeal to get her in any classes. I finally ended up having to get her a 7 am class. She was not happy about that. Hopefully, there will be some people drop and she can get in a later class.

I have hardly gotten to talk to Eric at all. Tomorrow he might go to DC for the day. I think it would be a great opportunity to do that.

I have been working a lot at church on getting rid of things that have been there and have now worn out their welcome. Tonight Dean went with me and helped rearrange my office. My office walls are all at angles that are are not 90 degrees. Makes arranging interesting. I think it looks better. Lauren says it is more welcoming when you walk in the door. She was home by herself tonight. She was a little scared, so she met us there and then came home to spend the night.

I messed up tonight and drank real tea. You know the kind with caffeine. Not a goo thing. Here it is nearly 3 and I am wide awake.

Dean and I went to look at computers tonight. I really need one. After his job at the border is complete, we will not have a computer at all. It is going to be hard to run a photo biz with no computer.

eric is off on the first part of his journey

We did most of his packing on sunday. That left most of last night for fun. We went to eat bbq just the 4 of us. He bought a camera. Then Clay and Lauren came over for some apples to apples. Dean even stayed up and played with us.

Joy Anna and I made a walmart run at midnight. She is going to be in a commercial today. Her friend Jordan is going with her. That will keep her mind off Eric leaving. Maybe. Everyone got to experience the hiccups last night. They were really really bad. After 2 pills and a chocolate shake combined with lying on the floor, they eased up. Clqy is taking her to do something fun tonight. He really is sweet to her.

Lairen and I are going to go to the gym. I have a lot of stuff to do like yearbook and photo stuff. Keep busy.

Dean has taken him to the airport. I only got 3 hours of sleep. Wish I could go back. Doesn't seem likely.

I am not doing too bad. I cried when he told Ranger goodbye. Poor boy just doesn't understand.

I know he is doing what he needs to do.

A real thunderstorm is rolling across el paso. Delightful. Tonight we went out with the relatives. The steak was good, but a little different.

Tonight Clay and Lauren came over and we had a lot of fun. Now the rain is just a wonderful way to end the night.

Hot, hot, hot

Hot is the only way to describe our house and El Paso right now. We are roasting.

I know I have not updated in a while. Bad me. A lot has been happening, but I have been busy. We celebrated Eric's birthday with the Alexanders and the Gambers at Lowreys. We had a lot of fun just sitting and talking. The food was yummy, too. We did that on the 10th. On the 11th, we had a party at Mitzi's to welcome our new staff member, Amy. The whole staff, spouses and families were there. Except Joy Anna. On the 12th she came home. Lauren and Clay went with us to get her. A balloon, poster,a stuffed animal and gifts made her feel really special. She was really glad to see Clay and Lauren.

This last week was crazy at work. No Air condtioning for half of Monday and most of tuesday made it rough. On Tuesday I copied over 1000 pages of music for the praise band. I had it all stacked in the office that several different people use at various times. one of those people came in on Wednesday night after work to do a few things. Because the paper was there on his desk, he didn't know it was good and took it home to recycle. I was sick. I was in tears. Joy Anna, Lauren, and Eric came up and copied everything over for me on Thursday afternoon.

Last night we went to the Alexanders and celebrated Dean's and Teresa's birthdays. We had a wonderful dinner. Mark did an excellent job on the steaks. Two other couples were there. We had a lot of fun just talking and visiting.

Today we joined Western Hills Methodist Church. Lauren cheered. We laughed. It was great.

Joy Anna is going to California and nanny for Shannon. They are meeting Shannon's friends in Newport Beach. She will have 4 kiddos to watch. She is really excited about it. It will be whole new world for her.

Eric leaves in 8 days. I am not having the easiest time with this. Neither is Joy Anna. Lauren is having a bad time with it, too. Her brother is being deployed right after Eric goes. And she leaves for college all about the same time. Joy Anna is going to struggle with Lauren going. We are really going to miss Lauren, too.

Lots of changes.

Playing catch up is really a pain. I am so glad we went last week. Joy Anna and Camille had a grand time together. I managed to get the majority of the newsletter done but not proofed. It is going to be a day late. It was the best I could do.

Tonight we went to eat with kim, john, and bailey. I am really going to miss them. All this saying goodbye is getting tough.

I really miss joy anna.

Eric got his travel dates. I am going to miss him like crazy. Having him gone for 2 years is going to be very hard on me. I just have to know who has him in the palm of his hand.

I am so tired of not sleeping. I really don't think it has a thing to do with the time change. Tonight I had real tea so maybe it is caffeine. Maybe tomorrow night will be better.

What a fun time we are having with the family. On saturday we got up early and headed to the country to see the sun flowers and go to the sunflower festival. The heat and humidity is awful. We are not used to that. That evening we all played apples to apples for several hours. It was so much fun we played through the entire set of red cards. We laughed til we hurt. On sunday we went to the old family church and saw a lot of people we hadn't seen in many years. That was very pleasant. We had lunch at billies and sort of just hung out. After all the family left we hit a couple of stores and had supper just the 6 females as eric had gone to ruston. Again we laughed and laughed.

Monday we we're slow getting moving since we had laughed and talked til about 2 in the morning. We went to eat lunch and borrowed ricky's truck and headed to johnny's and patti's. We all visited and hung out and looked at pics. We watched a movie t
And again we laughed so hard. JoyAnna and I slept in patti's office which is like sleeeping in a tree house.

We headed back to town shortly after noon. Eric had camille and joyanna and let them take turnes driving. We stopped for some canes chicken before coming back here. Shayna came to visit and we played apples to apples again. Needless to say we laughed and laughed.

almost another week has flown by

It is friday night - the end of a long week. Work this week was busy busy as I was trying to get everything ready to be able to be gone a week. Dean was busy tying up loose ends at the old job so he can start the new one on monday. He is going to work at home to finish out the project.

This has been a sad sort of week.on tuesday we had lunch with kim and bailey. They will be moved before ja gets back. Marie left on Thursday. That was really hard. She has really made it like we had family in El paso. My friend debra came by on thursday to say goodbye. All of us had been in EP about the same length of time. It was hard to say goodbye.

Today eric got his travel info for his departure. I was driving and trying not to cry. He will be with us until july 28. Then he will only be home 10 days between the training and his departure. Just as I was trying not to cry, we passed on of those black and white billboard that are signed "God". It said don't worry about the future, I am already there. Guess he really does talk thru billboards.

How did so much time pass without an entry?

I guess there has just been so much going on.
JoyAnna loved DisneyLand. Clay was very sweet and stood in line with her for 30 minutes to see Tinkerbell. He said she was the only one over age 4 in the line. He was a good sport about it. She did lots of fun things there that day.

The next day they went to the beach before heading to Pheonix. The following day they headed home. We were very, very glad to have her home on Sunday night.

The last week has been a blur. We had VBS at church. Eric ended up quitting his job, so he got to work in VBS Tuesday thru Friday. Joy Anna was the puppet for all the assemblies. She had fun doing it. Friday afternoon there was a swim party for the youth that helped. She enjoyed that too. Friday night we went to the ball game. There were 26 of us from church. It was so much fun. We really enjoy this group of people.

Saturday morning we had planned a trip to Silver City. We want to pack as much fun into the time Eric has left here in Texas as possible. Lauren and Clay joined us for the day. We walked around the town before having a good lunch in a soup, salad, and sandwich place. I had a cheese and mushroom sandwich. It was wonderful. After that, we decided to go to the Gila Cliff Dwellings. It was quite a rough ride out there. The winding road went up and down. I was miserable. Usually if I am in the front seat, I am ok. There was just no place to focus. It was awful. We finally stopped at a vista and let me stand on solid ground for a bit. We finally made it to the monument. That meant a one mile hike up to the cliffs and back down. Joy Anna, my graceful child, fell down as we were making our way down.

We really had a lot of fun for the day. When we got back to town, the kids decided to go to a movie.

Today was a busy fathers day. We had church, which was really good. Then we went to our friends' for lunch. Marie and Peggy are both moving this week. It was so good to be with them. Tonight, all the guys from lunch went to the ball game. JoyAnna and I went to Target for a new hair color. It has been kind of odd that Clay's previous girlfriend was a redhead, too. After quite a few comments, Joy Anna decided to try a new color. It was such a pain because we tried to do highlights. I don't think it was what she had in mind, but she says she likes it. I hope so.

We are planning to take her Senior portraits in Shrevport next week. Dean is not going to get to go with us. I am so sad. I hate being apart from him for so long. I am finally getting sleepy. It is hot tonight which makes sleeping hard.

fun fun fun for Joy Anna

Today was day 4 if the mystery trip.After a stop in Vegas, they headed to CA. I wish I had copy of the texts that went back and forth. Suffice it to say that she was reallu excited about the trip to disney land planned for tomorrow.

Dean and I had a very nice evening with our friends. Good food and wonderful company. The people we have met here have really just been amazing.

Tuesday Fun

Today was a long day at work. Yesterday was longer by hours because I went in after the group left on the trip. Today was just busy. Our media guy came in and helped me figure out how to turn my graphics for the sermons into actual videos that can be used in the service. I am super excited. I just pray they look great on the big screen.

Joy Anna and the youth group went to an indian reservation today and did mission work. She said the day was awesome. Tonight her group (the juniors who are now officially seniors) have the devotion. She called me last night getting me to help her look up scriptures for her for that.

Before they left, I had written devotions for every day of the week for Joy Anna, Lauren and Clay. Every other day, there is a goofy little gift in there. Junk really, but hopefully something to make them smile. It was hard writing for them. I didn't want to be preachy. I have heard from Joy Anna and Lauren both days that they really liked them.

Dean has to make a decision about a job soon. Like this week. We really wish he would hear from the other one. It just seems more along the lines of things he would enjoy doing. We are just still praying.

The last few days have been a blur

Thursday was a fairly regular day until about 4:45. Joy Anna sent a text the littel girl she was babysitting for had been stung. I went over after work. JA wanted to come home and work on cleaning her room. The plan was for me to stay with the kids. When I got there we decided we would bring them here. She pushed them down in the stroller.

Having two little ones was crazy. Lauren came over. I think she must believe we live in a zoo. It seems so chaotic here.

Marie was out of town, so later that night, we went and got Maddie. That went well for a few minutes. Then there was a dog fight. Then the cat got in the middle. Craziness.

Friday was a half day at work. Afterwards, the kids and I went to the Bible book stores. Eric has a list he needs before he leaves on the big adventure. Of course those books were not found in El Paso. Friday was also our 27th anniversary. We went to dinner at Landry's. It was good. Not like home, but a fair substitute. Eric went with us. It was a nice evening.

Saturday, we got up and went to Las Cruces with Marie and her friends. We went to the farmer's market. Joy Anna got a true love waits ring for 7.00. Much better than the 42.00 one she wanted at the store. I had to have my camera sensor cleaned. No one in EP can do it, so I had it done while we were there.

Saturday night, we went to Lauren's graduation party. It was a very nice evening with lots of our new friends here in EP.

Sunday Joy Anna and I both felt bad. We napped and finished packing her things for the music, missions and mystery trip. We had worked on getting everything ready for over a week. Thankfully she was able to buy all the things she needed. It was very hard to pack with her not knowing where she was going. I did know, but I couldn't even give a clue. We finally finished late on Sunday morning. We got to the church this morning 5 minutes late at 5 after 6. A few minutes later we realized we had fogetten to pack her work shoes for the mission part of the trip. Thankfully we live 6 minutes round trip. We got her back and on the van shortly after everyone else.

The kids have no idea where they are going or what they are doing. I love texting. I have heard from JA and Lauren several times today. About 2:45 today I got a message from JA asking "what the heck is in Gallup, NM???" LOL not much :)

Today Dean got a letter offering him a job - the first job he applied for. Oh, I forgot to put that on Friday, he went for a 2nd interview that week. It was with the housing authority and he really liked it better. Today he got the letter from the first one. We are just praying for the right thing- the right time, etc.

We appreciate everyone praying with us.

For more than 7 months Dean has been job hunting. Tonight at the interview they pretty much said he has a job, but he has to make a decision fast. They want him to start in 2 weeks. Aside from the nearly 25 percent pay increase, the benefits are wonderful. All kinds of insurance and retirement.

He does have another interview on Friday. It is a job with the city. I am not sure they can match the benefits.

This job would be with a huge company. They will pay for him to finish his tests. That would be awesome to have that done.

Just pray for wise desicions not just for the money or so joy anna can stay in el paso.

interview!

In all the time Dean has been job hunting (since October) he has not had a call to set up an interview. That changed today as he got not one, but two!!!

The calls come to my cell.the first call was with local government. He called back, but got voice mail. He didn't get a return call. A couple of hours later my cell rang again. I just about had a stroke when it was another company calling about a job.he has an actual interview tomorrow night

I know this is in God's hands. I know his timing is not mine. A friend reminded me today that God doesn't do things early or late but right on time.

I got new awesome software at work today. New software and two job calls. Pretty awesome day for me.

A really fun evening

This has been a crazy week at work. Having a short week, made everything a little nuts. We did make it through. We went ot a baseball game tonight. There ended up being 13 of us total - all from church. We had a lot of fun. It rained, but we still had fun. It is a nice cheap evening. Lots of fun, too.

Tomorrow Dean is going to go to the free clinic. Until we get insurance there is not much we can do besides that.

I was really sad today to find out the old camera shop in Shreveport closed down. It made me sad because it was a fun place to go. It made me really sad because I need my sensor cleaned on my camera. I was going to go have it done we go to Shreveport. Now I have to find someone else. There is no one in El Paso. I found someone in Las Cruces. I will call them and see if they are capable of doing it. I hope so.

wow offering to help surely makes one busy

I really like the job at church even if I do come home really, really tired. Today I did so many things. I certainly hope I did them right. The girl before me didn't do a lot for others. I offered to help the staff, and boy did they take me up on it today. It sure makes the day go quicker. I don't feel like I got some of my usual things to the point they should have been today. Tomorrow I will have to really rock and roll.

Eric finally got a call from walmart. He goes tomorrow for training. He'll be glad to have his own money.

It is windy tonight. One of those that shakes the house.

What a week

It has rained and rained- it is wonderful. That meant several very nice days. Today it was back to being hot. We have had a busy week.

On Friday night we had a very nice dinner with friends. We sat on their back patio and watched the sun set. It was a really nice evening visiting with friends. On Saturday, after the youth choir practice, we headed out to white sands again. We took the dogs and went in two cars. Eric drove Joy Anna, Lauren and Clay. We stayed until the sun set. It was so pretty. Right as we were about to head back to the cars, Ranger chased a little boy. Scared the boy, the dad yelled at the boy for running and acting a fool, the mom yelled at the dad for yelling at the boy. It was interesting.

Sunday was the youth service. The kids did an amazing job. They did all three services. After lunch JoyAnna just crashed. Sometime over the weekend I was surfing the web and accidentally got a virus in Dean's computer. He was so not happy with me. On Monday we went to Kelley's birthday party. Well, JoyAnna, Clay and I did. Eric and Dean stayed here and worked on the computer. After the party, Clay worked on it some more. Today it works better.

I am so very tired. This stupid yearbook is driving me crazy. I spend hours and hours. We still do not have a complete proof. Last night and today I got a few more confirmation numbers. Still waiting on one person who was doing some redos and finals for me.

Today was a long day at work. Hopefully tomorrow will go smoother.

Joy Anna is all upset tonight. The not knowing is really getting to her. She wants to make plans about college and such, but with us not knowing where we will go, it is just so hard on her. I guess I just didn't realize it was bothering her so bad.

monday on wednesday

Today was nuts. Work was fine it was just other things. I have been really frustrated with the yearbook company. I have sent several emails asking for proofs of what we have submitted. Took several weeks to get a response amd then it was not complete. I had asled the kids to resubmit all the pages. Today a board member called them all demanding they do it and send to her. The kids started calling saying she was rude. These kids have worked really hard and I don't appreciate them being treated poorly.

Very frustrating.

We are going to make some changes to the website at work. We also are ordering new software. They said I can't leave. If dean gets a job out of town he'll have to learn to cook for himself. It is nice to feel valuable.

Eric is home. He flew in last night. Ranger was really glad, but he is back to sleeping in my room tonight. He got his real approval, so now it is just a waiting game.

On a lighter and wetter note, it rained today. Not much, but it was nice to see. Of course, the rain makes the swamp cooler not put out as much cool. Oh well rain was nice.

Time flies when you work.

Seriously, it seems like the weeks are rushing by. In a way that is really bad. It just is hurrying up the fact that Dean's job is ending. We have had a really busy week. I spent a couple of nights just doing photo orders. I have had quite a few jobs lately. Unfortunately they are all homeschool kids, and I gave big discounts. Oh well. I sold a lot more than if I hadn't.

Last night, we had a big time. Dean, Joy Anna, Lauren and Clay met our friends Kim, Sidney and Bailey at the Diablos game. The teens had a good time even if they didn't sit in the the 3rd row seats we got for them. Next time, we will let them just sit in general admission and save a buck each.

Today, Lauren, JoyAnna and I went to graduation for the homeschoolers. It was very nice, but I am such a ditz. I was trying to get everyone's order ready and packaged. I grabbed my camera and didn't take a flash card- very dumb. One of the siblings was using a canon and was just using the on camera flash. I offered her my flash. She really had no idea how to use the camera, so she handed the whole thing over to me. I didn't realize how blind I was til I picked up a camera that was not adjusted to my eyesight. Wow what a difference.

After graduation, JA and Lauren had practice at church. Dean and I ran a few errands and then came home. I played around with Photoshop trying to learn to animate. I did it! It is so cool. Mark had asked me to try something for church. I have the better photoshop, so I played with here at home. It is so cool. I just need to figure out how to save a media file into a media that we can use at church. I will have to take it to church tomorrow afternoon and let Clay help me. It is crazy when I have to go ask a 16 year old to help me figure it out.

Tonight I was going to stay home by myself. I was actually looking forward to it. Dean had a ticket for the baseball game. He really wanted me to go, too. I decided to go ahead. It was so cold. I thought we were going to freeze. I finally went to Walmart to buy a blanket. The choices for blankets in El Paso in may are limited. I ended up with a disney one - fairies from the tinkerbell movie. Not a real manly blanket. The Diablos won, so that was cool. Now we are just trying to warm up.

good greif

For domeone uses and enjoys the web so much, I have failed miserably as the webmaster. I spent at least 4 hours - probably more on the website the last 2 days. Today was Wednesday and it slipped up on me. I didn't have the bulletins ready until late afternoon. Then I felt rushed.
We really need a new more user friendly website. I am researching. I am also researching how to animated type graphics in photoshop.

I am so tired. I am tired of fighting the bills. I don't have any idea how we are going to make it. The job is going to help, it is just going to take some time to catch up. I have to call some creditors this week. I hate asking for more time.I sold quite a few photos this month with minimal profit. At least some will be nice.

I didn't get to walk again tonight. Too many photo orders and other things. I have been trying so hard on my diet. I have been trying to make healthy choices. I have been doing the hot diet. You don't eat anything really cold or iced. Tonight I had a little bit of icecream. After nearly 4 weeks that was the first time. I haven't had a diet coke in that length of time. I think that is a record. I think my skin looks better. The scales don't say I have lost much, but my clothes are looser.I think I have more energy most days. I have to increase the exercise this week.

I really need for the house to sell or for us to find a renter. I really need for a bite on a job. Just a nibble would be awesome. Something.

Finally getting into the rhythm

Working has been different, but I think I am getting used to it. I am really tired by the end of the day. Thankfully, alot of the time, Dean gets home before me and starts supper. Tonight everything was ready when I got home.

I did make a couple of mistakes for Sunday- one was a doozey. I will do better this next week. Everything is set up for someone else's system. I have to make it mine. I have some perfectionist tendancies, and I don't like to screw up. Makes it hard to work some time.

With Eric gone, it has been hard to get JoyAnna to and from school. Last week her friend picked her up and took her. Today Anne and Jiggs were on this side of town, so they took her. She was so excited when she called me. She made a 97 in her English class. She was shocked. She really didn't think she had done that well. He dropped the lowest grades on quizzes and essays, but she would have still made an A. He told her he had enjoyed having her in his class. That was the shocker. She wrote all her liberal idea papers based on Christianity. She was surprised her grades were high because of that.

She has her final in dance on Wednesday. She and her friend have to dance a duet they choreographed. They had it down, but the teacher wanted them to use a prop. Now they have to redo using a hat. Tomorrow Janet is coming over to get it finalized. JoyAnna has a long long day tomorrow. She babysits from 7:30 to 5:45ish, play practice for youth Sunday from 6:30-7:30, and then dance practice.

Her friend is coming to spend the weekend. Dean is excited over the diablos season starting on Thursday. We are all going to go on Saturday night. Should be tons of fun. We are going to the homeschool graduation on Saturday, too.

Eric will be home in about a week. Then, he'll start his new job at Walmart stocking shelves over night. I feel bad for him, but it is all he has found.

We have started leaving the dogs in the house during the day. It is just too hot. They are doing really well. We just limit where they can go.

Sigh

I am tired. I am trying to conquer the housework. For so long there was just so much dirt coming in all the doors and windows, that I just got tired of fighting it. Last night and most of today I have worked on cleaning up. If we move, it will make packing easier. If we stay, it will just make life nicer.

Dean and I went out tonight. JoyAnna was having dinner and a movie with Clay. Kind of a bummer to be sitting there thinking that we really shouldn't spend the money. Maybe we shouldn't. Ok, we shouldn't. But sometimes we just need a break.

I have made it for three weeks with no diet coke. I keep thinking I am going to feel better. My skin looks better, but I still crave a diet coke every now and then.

Joy Anna and I went swim suit shopping for her yesterday. She is babysitting every week, so she has her own money to spend. She bought one on clearance at target, but we are going to take it back. We found a more modest one at old navy. She looks really cute. She says she is motivated to work out now. Swimsuits do that to you.

Dustin called tonight to tell me why Eric wanted to be there today. Dustin proposed to Kelsey. She said yes. Eric got to be there for today, but he won't get to be at the wedding. Just one a handfull of things he knows he will miss. He is officially going. He'll be gone for about 2 years. Ranger is doing ok. He loves us, so that is good. He does make every step I make.

He is so funny. Last night it was really cold in the night. That seems to be the only time the swamp cooler actually cools. When he gets cold, he comes and gets in bed with us, even though he is not supposed to do that. Last night, I put the down comforter down on the floor. He lay down, and I covered him with a beach towell. He snuggled in and went to sleep. Usually when I take a bath, he comes over and visits. Last night, he was just snuggling.

Dean needs to apply for some more jobs. I am getting nervous. Ok, I have been nervous. Trying to have faith. Joy Anna woudl like to stay until she graduates. I don't mind staying. I don't mind going. Just as long as Dean can find a good job.

Eric left today for about 12 days. I cried. Probably because I am selfish and hated for him to be gone. I know my time with him is short. With me working I don't get to see him as much. Once hbe starts working it will be less. It is only a little over 2 months before training for him.

Today was so hot. Even in the office. I so hope I am covering all the bases at work. I am really doubting myself right now. My self esteem is really low at the moment. I know I need to work. If I have to work anywhere church is a good place to be. Truth is I wish I had tried harder on photography. If I could do it as a job. Maybe this job is preparing me. If we move someplace I'll do it like a job. I'll make it productive.

We applied for some jobs that had good pay and a sign on bonus. A bonus would be nice.

I am not sre why we are going through all this. I'm ready to get passed it and be able to look back and say "ah ha".

Well now all 4 of us are gainfully employed. Eric is going to work graveyard shift at walmart as a night stocker. He will work 4 nights a week. There are a few things he wants before he leaves on his mission adventure. He would like a new day pack and a good camera. Those are things we can't afford to buy for him. Right now we can't afford much at all. Hopefully things will improve soon, but right now we are stretched so tight. I keep waiting for that pop like when a rubberband is stretched to tight.

I spent my entire lunch on the phone with the irs. That made for not a pleasant break today. Work is going ok, today I was a little scattered. I got a lot done, but just felt a little dicombobulated or something. Tomorrow is a new day. I am so afraid I will forget something important. I write everything down on a tablet and mark it off.

Tomorrow Eric is going to ride to Shreveport with Marie. He is going to stay a little over a week and get to talk at temple about his trip. He will come home on the 19th and then start to work.

Dean had a bad day today. He was accused of making a racial slur. He spent several hours trying to work it out. I felt bad for him.

time flies

I have worked a little over a week. We are making some changes, but I think it is going to work out fine. The pics from the weekend came in tonight. They ook great. I need to get them packaged and mailed.

JA had church tonight to get ready for the youth service. It is going to be really great. This is the performance they will do while on the mystery trip.

Eric is leaving on Thursday. He will get to see Nana B that night and spend the dauy with her on Friday. He is going to speak at Temple while he is gone. He needs churches committed to pray for him.

Joy Anna wants to surprise Megan for her birthday. She hasn't missed Megan's birthday since 1st grade. She doesn't want to start now. Too bad it is not a week later when we are there.

We are still looking for Dean a job. Time is running out on this one. JA would love to stay here, but nothing here has worked out. I wish we could stay long enough for her to graduate. She could get more time in at EPCC. No job means no stay. I hope $e working and the photo biz picking up woll help us catch up - at least make a dent. I think my stomach would feel better if so. It seems like every day or two something else comes up. Our renter is going to move out. Not sure how we are going to work that up, but we'll figure something.

Saturday

Today was more productive- I needed that. Friday was quite interesting. After work, I hurried down town to pick up the backdrop and stand for the spring formal. Got to the depot and started setting up. The backdrop was not solid black. One side had been painted and the paint bled through to the other side- great- a spotted back drop. It also had nothing to hold the backdrop onto the stand.

I had to go home and help JoyAnna get ready for the big night. I also had to change clothes. I left really early and missed Clay picking her up. I tried to salvage the backdrop, but there was no way. I was going to have to do a ton of post processing. Not fun. I got the lights set up and everything was ready to go- the lights worked great. Then, the lights decided not to work. Not good. I tried and tried. Finally, I decided it was not worth the effort especially with the backdrop not being right.

We moved outside and went on with the photos.

The kids had a lot of fun. I took a lot of photos and was really tired when I crawled into bed.

I had avoided cafeine for over 2 weeks. Last night I had real tea. Tonight I am paying for it with a horrible headache. It was so yummy at the time. Tonight it is miserable. Hopefully, I will wake up feeling much, much better tomorrow. After church tomorrow I have to roll out the rest of the yearbook in record time.

This week has flown

Here it is late Thursday. I have not accomplished nearly as much as I had intended to accomplish. I did fine at work, but at home and my other commitments, I haven't made much progress. Tomorrow night is JoyAnna's prom. She doesn't even have earrings. What a mom I am. I also just thought about a flower for her date. I didn't do that. I need to deal with that bright and early in the morning.

I am so busy with so many things. Why I am doing this?

We so need the money - from the job and photography. I am so worried about what is going to happen with Dean's job.

If I stay at the church for three months, I can get insurance. If I get insurance, maybe I can get meds again. Maybe then I won't feel like crying all the time. If Dean gets a different job, then will we have to start over waiting for insurance?

I can be so calm at work, then I come home and the reality of the bills and all hits me in the face. Makes me have a bad evening.

Made it through Day 1

Well, I made it through day one of my new job. It is very pleasant there. It is very, very quiet. Most church offices I have been in have not been this quiet. Very different for me. I am not a quiet person.

I am tired. I have so much to do on the yearbook, but I am tired. I am not sure when I am going to get it done.

JoyAnna has a dance showcase tomorrow for the school. She doesn't want us to go. She says her dance is stupid and she doesn't want us to see it. I am not sure I like that. As soon as I get off tomorrow, I have to go over and babysit at her job until the dad gets home. Dean will have to take her to the dance thing.

She has a date for prom. He is a very nice young man from the church. It will be a very nice night for them, I hope.

Eric is home

He is overwhelmed with information, tiredness, decision making and so much more. He even ate real food this week. Something he has never done before. He ate salad. Wow.

There is so much to tell. We have tons of questions. He will not have a 'for sure' answer until after May 8. More waiting. There could be something totally random that would kick his application out, but the chance is only about 1%. Hopefully, everything will go right on through like it is supposed to.

We'll have to figure it out as we go. Just have to have faith.

I am employed-well I will be soon

I haven't had a full time job in 22 years. I have had a few jobs that were part time for the most. Sometimes I spent a ton of time on Tupperware and PG sometimes was a lot of hours like during reset season.

Mark called this morning and asked me if I could start on Monday. Joy Anna thinks it is great that she and her two best friends have parents that work at church. I go tomorrow and fill out the forms.

Shannon called today. JoyAnna is going to start working 2 days a week for her. She can pay for things she needs, which will be nice. I can help pay on bills. Now if Eric could find something where he would be able to have some spending money before he goes.

Now, we are down to about 37 days until we are supposed to move. I hope there is still is an opportunity for something else for Dean. Of course if we move, JoyAnna, Eric and I will all be job hunting there. This is going to be quite a ride for the next few weeks.

I packed a few boxes today. There is so much dust here, I decided to just pack up everything on the shelves. We have to leave the windows open which means everything is dusty. It is easier to dust empty shelves than stuff.

Ranger is doing so much better about walking with us without having to be on a leash. So proud of him.

what a roller coaster day

I had to go take care of the insurance on the Longview house today. I was under the impression that they were going to insure the house for the asking price. When I got there I was told they were going to reduce it by 35% because of the age of the house and that we have a tenant. Both of those things were well known before they ever agreed to write the insurance. I Was livid. I mean LIVID. I had been told on April 5 they would insure the house. Yes, I was told that they might not be able to insure the full amount, but no one said 35%! I told him in no uncertain terms how mad I was that it had taken more than 2 weeks for someone to go there and take the pics and decide on this- 3 days after the old one had cancelled. Of course he said he had told me. Yep, but no way did I ever think it would be 35%.

So, after I cried and went ahead and paid the down payment, I headed home. Not a happy day.

I called my mom. She prayed for me. I prayed. The agent called back tonight. He is going to rewrite the policy for the full amount. Praise the Lord!

I so need the house to sell. Tonight a lady that had called last week and looked at it over the weekend, called back tonight. She is going to talk to the bank on Friday. She was honest and said she has looked at a couple of other houses. I need it to sell to break that tie. Until it does, I will constantly want to be going back. I need it to sell badly for so many reasons.

Eric called today. He seems very sure of what he is doing. Everything is going his way it seems. Just keep praying for him.

The Phone is Found!

Hooray!
I got up early this morning- I really, really wanted to sleep late, but I knew I needed to help him find that phone. We really can't afford another one right now. I called ATT. I figured we use GPS on the phones all the time, surely they could help us find the phone. No luck.

So, I called the shuttle back. The man I got was really nice. He asked me questions about when Eric arrived, where he went, etc. He called me back about 10 minutes later with good news. This shuttle company must do a lot of driving for them, because they were going back out there several times today. About 1 my time, they called me and told me that it was waiting for him at the security desk. WooHoo! What an answer to prayer.

So far still no job prospects for Dean.

I am mailing my resume to the pastor tonight. It will be funny if I get a job before anyone else when I am not looking.

Eric left early this morning. He sent a text when he was in Atlanta. he sent another one from VA saying he made it. He sent another one later and twittered that he was seeing rain and trees. Then, he lost his phone.

He sent an email tonight telling me. He thinks maybe he lost it on the shuttle. I called but no luck. Just grand.

He is really excited about the week. He will have lots of times to interview different supervisors. Hopefully, he will find just the right job for him.

I hope he will keep me posted as to what is going on. He took a list of about 20 jobs he was interested in. He also took 18 interview questions to ask the supervisors. He was well thought out.

Please be praying for him


I know that Noah faced the rain for 40 days and nights. I know he spent a lot of time preparing for those 40 days and a lot of time on the ark after those 40 days. We have spent a lot of time, but now we are down to 40 days. In 40 days, we either have to go to Corpus or have another job. I am stressed.

Dean is stressed. The contractors are not doing their jobs. He has no leverage. He is not liking this at all.

So, just pray for all of us.

so much has haooened this week

Sleep has not been one of them. I am not sleeping well. Because I have to use Dean's computer, I have to do it late at night.

Tomorrow will be another late one. I wish I could sleep tonight.

On Thursday I was offered a job. Because of the possibility of moving, it might be temporary. I admit I am a little nervous. I haven't had a full time job in over 20 years. Thursday night we went to church and finished up the stage.

Friday was a fun day but really, really long. The show was great. We did it all over again on Saturday.

Today we spent a lot of time getting Eric packed and ready to go to the conference. Please pray for him. He has lots of decisions to make.

Tuesday

Today was not a bad day. I didn't sleep well last night, so I was pretty tired today. I spent a lot of time working on photos last night. I had planned to sleep late, but didn't get to. Joy Anna and I were going to the free clinic today. I need a new Rx for my hormone pills. JoyAnna needs a Rx for her pills. I was going to see if there was a generic anti depressant. Yeah, some might think it is a copout, but I am struggling now.

We waited but then they came out and put up a sign that said no clinic today. Oh Well, we will try again on Saturday or Tuesday.

I spent a lot of time today sending out resumes for Dean. I also have been working on the yearbook. Dean cleaned up the kitchen, cooked supper, and cleaned it up again. He is a good husband.

Tonight I did more photo orders and watched idol and fringe. JoyAnna had play practice. Tomorrow we are going to do yearbook again. I hope we are almost finished. I am about to head back to the table to work on the yearbook some more.

Not sure how much more I can take

I am worn out- physically, financially, emotionally, mentally. I am still talking to God, so I am not thinking I am spiritually worn out, but I might be.

I feel like I am being pulled in so many directions. I am overwhelmed. Today, I did Eric's taxes. I am getting an extension for mine. If I wasn't going to, I surely am now.

I think we got a 'mail audit' today. I didn't try to cheat anyone, but I guess I made a mistake last year. When we did the remodel, we got the money out of our retirement. We payed tons of taxes on it. I guess I missed a penalty that is now going to cost us $11,000. I am NOT happy.

What is happening to us? Why is every day a different issue that causes us more grief? Have we done something? Are we not doing something we should?

I can barely bay the bills we have now let alone this. When June 1 rolls around, will we have a job? Will we have to go to Corpus and take a job that is not at all what we need? Where do I go to resign? I am tired. I don't actually know how much more I can take. I know everyone says God won't give us more than we can handle, but I don't think that is true. I think he doesn't give us more than he can handle and he can handle a lot. I keep trying to give it to him. I try not to take it back.

I wish we could go back 13 months and stay in Longview. I know I would have missed some delightful people, but maybe we wouldnt be in such a bad way.

I know I was going to try to be positive, but honestly, I can't think of a thing tonight.

Taking the plunge

I have been in a really rotten cycle. I get depressed and eat then I get more depressed and eat more because I am fat. I am miserable. I have to make changes. I can't afford to go to the gym. I dropped that membership a few months ago. I walk almost everyday, but I must be doing something wrong. I just keep getting bigger. None of my clothes fit. I look awful. That doesn't help me at all.

So, tomorrow, I have to do something. My friend is counting calories. Maybe I will give that a try. I need to do something. I have to do something.

I have done it before. I can do it again. I wish I could break the cycle.

I am going to need some major encouragement.

I can do this. I can.

Easter Sunday

We had such a nice day today. We went to church- all 4 of us as a family. Then we went to lunch at the home of our Pastor. His daughter and Joy Anna have become fast friends. We had a great time. There were about 18 of us there. Funny thing - all of us are knew in the past year and all of us are scheduled to leave soon. I really pray something good comes up for Dean.

Eric got a call early this morning from the state job with the tram. He was going to call them back this afternoon. It was a good thing he decided to check his voicemail. They called him back and left a message they had to know by 4. It is Easter- crazy, huh? Anyway, he has an appt for an interview on Wednesday afternoon. The pay is good. Hopefully, he'll get it. If we move somewhere in TX maybe he can transfer.

overwhelmed

Yep. That is a description of me in one word. It is like everything is happening at once. In the next week I have to get my taxes done, get my team to finish the yearbook, and get so much done before the dinner theatre.

Tonight I got my new website up and running. I really couldn't afford to do it, but I decided I couldn't afford not to. I had not renewed my old one. They had not removed it, but it is not fair to use it if I haven't renewed. I have had several photoshoots in the last few weeks and no way to display them. If I can't display them, I can't sell them. If I can't sell them, there is no sense in taking them.

Although I am not exactly sure where we are moving, I started packing up things. Things like winter clothes. Tomorrow I should pack, but I am going to have to work on my other list of things and housework. If something comes up here in EP we are still going to move to a place with real airconditioning. I know the utilities will be more, but I can't make another year with just a swamp cooler.

Today was a nice day

Today we finished up the Bible study on Esther. I really, really enjoyed the study. So many times, I thought I was actually in there for 'just a time of this.' Today really sollidified that. I probably would not have taken this in Longview. I had to come 800 miles away and go to a Methodist chruch to get into this Bible study.

We had a delightful pot luck dinner with all the ladies. So much fun.

After that, we went over to the Wise house and visited with Aunt Winn before she left to go back to CA. Joy Anna didn't get to go. I left her crying on the couch. She had missed school because of a horrible upset stomach- I guess the same thing Dean and I had yesterday. She didn't want to give it to them. She was really sad, she didn't get to see Aunt Winn. I wish I had the money to fly her to CA for a visit. Not likely anytime soon.

I was so very tired from not sleeping last night that I took a short nap. Tonight I am sitting and doing nothing. Yesterday was exhausting.

Tonight I am going to be up late again. I need to do some photo orders. Then, I am going to close down one website and open up another one.

I so need a working computer instead of having to use Dean's or Eric's. It really limits the time. I have done several photo shoots over the last few weeks and do not have a way to display them. Need to do something. Soon.

Dean had to change his brakes tonight. Had to do it for safety. Because of that, we didn't get to really work on the job hunt tonight. Dean's mom sent an email stating that Longview had some jobs. I went to the site and looked, but there were none for Dean. Oh well.

Tomorrow we try some more.

Not the best day

I woke up sick. Dean came home sick.

We are really torn about this move. We are too old to be starting over. That is exactly what this new job will be. Tonight I sent out more resumes. We need good benefits. Yes, this guy is a good guy. Yes, it would be a great to work for someone so well respected. But . . .

Pray with us about this. There has to be something better. I know God has good plans for us. We had stopped sending out resumes thinking this one was going to work out.

Seriously, it would be like another cut in pay. We can't do it. There is nothing left to cut out of our expenses.

There were several govt jobs ending today. I managed to get resumes sent in before they closed. Pray that the right job will come through.

monday

Today was a fun day. I sat with 2 adorable kiddos. They were delightful. Afterwards I had a photoshoot and that went well. It was at a really cool church up on the mountain.

Tonight I have a bad case of the blues. I don't want to have to go through all the issues with moving. I am stressed to the max with money issues. Most of the time I feel like I am rhe only one dealing with it. I'll live but I am stressed.

Another nice Saturday

Mae Mae came to pick us up at 9. We went to Las Cruces to the farmer's market. We had tons of fun window shopping and walking around. When we had seen all there was to see, we went to Mesilla and walked around there, too. Oh, to have money to spend on a few fuun things. Oh well, we have made some really great memories in the area. I have taken so cool photos as well.

When we got home, we sort of just chilled out for a while. There was 5.00 night at the arena football league. We had thought about doing it, but didn't. Dean wants us to cut back.

Joy Anna went to Lauren's to help her get ready for the prom. They did her hair and fixed her up. She looked beautiful. She is a very beautiful girl, but she was positively glosing tonight. Her mom made mock margaritas and had veggie tray and chip and dip for them. They really had fun.

After I picked JA up, we came back to the house. I got a really late start on supper, but we all enjoyed the fried chicken. Now, I just wish someone else would clean the kitchen.

Tomorrow is church. JA and I are working over in the kid's section for the palm Sunday special event they do. It should be fun to do.

Joy Anna has been putting her baby sitting money in with our money. It has rescued us a few times in the last few months. She bought her prom dress and is saving for her shoes and accessories. She and I have another babysitting job this week. We are keeping 2 little ones for three days this week. Maybe more the next week. Every little bit helps.

corpus here we come

Well it is official. We will be going to corpus probably around june 1. I am really torn. I am going to miss a lot about El Paso. There are a lot of things we wanted to do but couldn't because of money. We will miss some wonderful friends here.

I dread packing, but at least Dean has a job. I am going to start on some marketing things for photography. I hope we can go in with some business already lined up.

I am going to photograph some kids here as samples for something I hope to do there. I hope it works out.

Still languishing in the land of limbo

Yep, we are still waiting. I talked to Dean sometime yesterday and he said he had gotten a message they would call either Wed or Thursday. There was no call on Wed. I was going to blog about it last night, but I fell asleep - blackberry in hand, glasses on face, on my stomach in the bed. So no blog for yesterday.

JoyAnna had a bad day yesterday. We need to get medicine for her. It is very hard with no insurance. I can not imagine that birth control pills actually cost 60 a month. No wonder there are so many unwed mothers. So today I called some family planning clinics. Yes, even the one I don't like. They were between 70 and 90 and she has to have a pelvic exam. Tomorrow I am going to call her doctor in Longview and see if he will call in one of the generic ones.

I still do not have a working computer. That means I can not do the orders I have. This is really, really stressing me out. We have not gotten the rent check from our renter which means we will probably have to pay a late fee to our landlord. I will be so ready to move from here. Just because of having to rent and having to pay stupid late fees. It is odd the check hasn't come. Usually it is here before the 1st. I paid the mortgage already. Normally, I pay rent first and then the mortgage. Messed up this month.

I am also stressing over the yearbook. I need to get it done. We have another work day tomorrow. Because of my computer being messed up, I can not even use my printer and scanner and do the work I need to do. I so need to get this done.

Today I finally was able to go over to the relatives. We had a nice dinner. It was good to be with them. We will really miss them if we have to go. Aunt Win is here from CA. It was fun to all be together. Dean was late, but he came and ate after we were all finished.

There was one great thing that happened today. We found a pharmacy that sold him his meds for a really cheap rate- much cheaper than walmart- we were so excited. Made my day.

This was Tuesday's post that never posted.

As days go, today was not too bad. I got to sleep until a fuzzy face roused me from my dreams. The fuzz belonged to Ranger and not Dean. He wanted outside. He is quite a character. He wants to sleep in my room and not Eric's. I am not sure why. He has his bed in Eric's room but sleeps on carpet in mine. At bedtime, he makes it known where he is sleeping.

Eric got a call from target today about an interview. This morning I encouraged him to go volunteer at a PT clinic. He will need 50 hours to apply to PT school. I don't think he knows what he wants to do. I don't know if he is being called into the ministry or what. I am trying not to be pushy. If that is his calling, that is great. If it is something else, I just want him to be prepared. I would hate for him to end up on the opposite side of the world and decide PT is his thing and not be able to get in 50 hours and have to hold off for another year to go to school.

I know he is bored just hanging out here.

Tomorrow is Wednesday - THE big day when Dean will know what is being offered for the move. I guess by this time tomorrow we will know if and when we are moving. I must admit I am a little worried. If he doesn't have this job, he has no job at all.

Tomorrow is Bible Study and then we are going to visit the uncle and aunts- that will be fun. Because I have been so sick, I have not been over in a month. I really have missed them.

Okay, let me start with the positive - because I am going to bed today is over!!!!

I got up raring to go this morning planning to get in a nice long walk while Joy Anna was in school. That didn't work because of the wind. I do not want to get sick again. I decided I would walk in Lowes. Bad Plan again. Too many chemicals. Asthma sucks.

Dean wants to go fishing. We can't afford it. Today he made it sound like it was my fault he couldn't go. I don't mind him going. If we can't afford it we can't afford it. If we lived in Longview, he would just ride up with Bill like always. We could afford that. We can not afford 210 for an airline ticket.

I found out this afternoon that our house insurance is being cancelled because we are not living there. Great! We have to have a different kind of policy. Great! The first lady said we would have a hard time doing it without a new hot water heater. That turned out to be the least of our worries. Last year there was a tornado- they had to pay out quite a bit for that. The year before there was the remodel and they paid for some of the rot in the bathroom. That means we had too much loss in a year- even though we paid for 12 years before that with no claims.

Then we went to the grocery store. I took Eric and JA both since I don't We had a buggy full. Got up there and the clerk rang it up. I scanned my card- denied. Tried again- denied. Now, Dean put the money in the bank on Friday. This is Monday- the money still has not been applied. Our old bank did it at midnight on Sunday night- not this place. Nope- Midnight today. Eric was with me and scanned his card. It took it despite the fact he didn't have that much in there and I did. Go figure.

Today was one of those days, I couldn't stop eating. It seemed everything I did stressed me out and made me eat more.

I did have a fun shoot this afternoon with a senior guy from the church. He was very nice and polite and really seemed to have a good time. It was a nice break in my day.

Sunday

Today was interesting. We went to church. It was very, very nice. As long as the songs were high, I could even sing without coughing. I needed church today.

After church JoyAnna had a meeting. I decided to take a rest before going to photograph all the homeschool seniors for the yearbook. I was so nervous. I am not sure why. I was having a full blown anxiety attack. Partly, was not feeling up to normal I guess. Not really sure. I was sick at my stomach, and felt horrible. I finally took half of a xanax. I was so glad I did.

Dean and Eric were going to change the oil in my car. It needed to be done. I haven't had the money to take it to have it done. Dean said he was glad, because ehre I had been taking it, had stripped the screw and he couldn't take it out. When the put the filter on, something happened and the oil went everywhere. Thankfully, I had bought more cat litter yesterday.

This happened just as I was getting ready to leave. He had me really upset thinking it was not going to be driveable again. I was freaking out. I did not need this. I was trying so hard not to cry as I drove across the mountain (in Eric's car) to do the shoot. I prayed and prayed. Finally, I just cried out "Jesus, I need your help!" Literally, I am overwhelmed- physically, mentally, financially, emotionally.

Everyone keeps saying that things happen in threes. I think we are getting ours in thirty threes.

Thankfully, Dean was able to repair my car. There is a huge mess in the driveway.

I managed to do the photoshoot. The kids had fun. I hope the photos look ok. Tomorrow I will borrow Dean's computer and work on them.

Eric had a job interview today. It was not a great deal like he thought it was going to be. He will keep looking.

Tomorrow when I take JA to school, I am going to try to walk the whole time. I hope time will counter the fact that I can not walk fast because I can not breathe. I have to do something. I think I need to go on the biggest loser. I am miserable. Being overweight is not helping my emotional, mental, and physical state. I had to give my gym membership. One more thing I can not afford. gotta love it.

Dean is going to have to miss his fishing trip- for the first time in nearly 18 years. We won't be able to afford it. I feel really bad for him. He is upset about it, and he doesn't usually show he is upset with things.

Wow, let me think of something positive- I got to go to church today :)

I just wanna be a sheep

I used to sing that song- I just wanna be a sheep baa baa, I just wanna be a sheep.

All this week, KLOVE's word of encouragement has dealt with sheep and being led. Firday's was this
But he led His own people like a flock of sheep, guiding them safely through the wilderness.
~ Psalm 78:52, NLT
I posted on my facebook "thankfully He is leading and I can be a sheep and just follow. now if I could learn to be a sheep and just follow"

I thought about this a lot yesterday and today. I started thinking about sheep - they don't have a clue where they are being led. They don't really sit around and complain and whine that they don't know. They just follow. They don't plan what they are taking and where they will take it. They just go. He is going to lead his ship safely. It is going to be through the wilderness. Believe, me. I feel like I am in the wilderness. I need to be like a sheep- keep my head down, follow the shepherd. That means not try to be the leader. Not try to find my own way.

A nice Saturday

I got to sleep a little late today :) Dean and Eric got up with the dogs. I slept til a little after 8:30 - very, very nice.

My dishwasher is messed up. Not sure why. That means I had to wash a ton of dishes today. While I did that, everyone helped tidy the house. We are still playing catchup from me being sick.

JoyAnna went prom dress shopping with her friends today. While she was doing that, Dean, Eric and I met with Rebecca, a journeygirl missionary stationed here in El Paso. She was with her new fiance. It was great to hear how the IMB really takes care of the journeymen.

After they left, JoyAnna called. They wanted to go downtown, but they couldn't without an adult. I went with them. Joy Anna found her dress. She has been saving her babysitting money. She had shopped and shopped for a dress. Today she finally found one. Her friend Laruen didn't find one today. Maybe tomorrow.

When we got home, Dean and Eric had dinner almost finished. Lauren stayed with us for dinner along with Mae Mae. It was yummy and very casual. They grilled hotdogs and brats. After supper, we went walking. Mae Mae and I went one way with Ranger and Maddie. The girls went the other way with Razzle and Dazzle. We met in the middle. It was really nice to feel like walking again. We did a whole mile tonight.

When Mae Mae started to leave, Ranger decided to escape. It was my fault. I had bragged on him while we were walking. He took off on a run. Dean was finally able to get him to get in the car. It was much better here than in Longview. Not living next to a busy street with fast cars was much better. He just went down a residential street this time. I didn't have an asthma attack, so that was great. Of course I have been having an asthma attack for the last month, but it wasn't nearly as bad as when he got out in Longview.

After that, Mae Mae went home to chat with Megan on the phone. We watched a movie and just chilled out for the evening. Eric got a call late this evening. He has a job interview at Academy tomorrow. Funny thing, one of the jobs he is looking at for IMB is to work at as an adventure specialist and work at a store that sells outdoor things. Maybe another way God is preparing him for his work in the mission field.

brrrrr

I can not get warm tonight. I hope I am not getting sick again. Not that I am really well yet. Today was a LONG day. Eric took JA to school for me. I made it over to the east side and we had a marathon day at yearbook. We made a lot of progress.

I was hoping my computer might get some work today, but it didn't. I guess I am going to have to take it to a repair shop. You just can't imagine how frustrating this is. I had to use Dean's tonight. His doesn't have all the bells and whistles mine does.

I am so tired of not having money to do anything. I can barely keep the bills paid. Ok, I was not going to gripe. Eric is job hunting. Today it was nice when I got home that they had cleaned up the back yard.

tomorrow I can sleep late! I am so excited.

Computers are a pain

I am having computer problems. I am typing this on Dean's borrowed one. Not one I can use regularly. My computer has decided to not stay on. No matter what I do, it goes off before it ever comes on. I desperately need a new one. There is no way I have the money to buy one. With out a computer, I basically have no photo biz.

This is not what I needed right now. This is the only way I have to make money. With out it, I am not going to be able to keep helping with trying to catch up.

I have photo orders to get out and I have a HUGE photoshoot on Sunday night. Of course, I will not have a website either. I don't have the $100 it takes to pay for my hosting site for the next year. It is only still up because I have an order that I haven't been able to process first because of being sick and now my computer.

I am trying to be positive, really I am. The only thing I can think of as positive is how good it would feel to chunk the computer across the room and then stomp on it. :) See, I am trying.

Today, I made a dent in cleaning the house. I have been so sick, it really wasn't worth it to even try to clean. I still have lots to do on it, but it is on its way to better.

I saw something interesting on the news today. We have a 'dustcast' Yep, they discuss the wind and how much dust we are going to have blowing. No wonder I can't breath. I told Dean last night I felt like I was breathing sand. No wonder! I am considering getting some of those masks. Maybe that would help me breathe.

I am really, really sad

We met Marie, Megan and Kali back last summer. Over the last few months, we have gotten really close. Close like there is seldom a day we don't see them. We knew today was coming when Megan and Kali would go to Japan. We were all perfectly happy with them here and our 'El Paso Family' being the three of them plus us.

Today was heartbreaking. Marie's husband and older daughter passed away within 10 weeks of one another about 11 years ago. Today, watching her put Kali and Megan on the airplane was horrible. I can not even imagine her pain.

Sure, Eric is going to be gone for two years, but I have Dean and Joy Anna with me. Please be praying for them. Kali was so upset - she has had her Mae Mae with her all of her life. They have lived together for most of it. Please just be praying for all of them.

Reflection

today has been a very reflective day - not very productive.

I have been thinking alot about moving to corpus. Having the the opportunity for a fresh start would be really awesome. I think. We thought so last time, too.

I am working so hard to catch us up financially. I think sometimes it is all I think about. Can we make it on the offer he has now? Make it, yes. Much more, no. So, here is my thought: This is the only job offer. We have prayed and prayed about it. So, say this is where we are supposed to go. We take the job at this amount. We make tithing a priority. We will be obedient to God. I strongly believe he will take care of us.

So, now, what do I do? Do I start packing? Do I start over in the garage and get rid of more stuff? At the moment, I am not feeling up to doing anything physical. So, tomorrow I plan to work on photos and photo biz stuff. Maybe by Wednesday, I will feel better and be able to start working. Two months is not really a long time.

how hot is it?

Ok here I am still trying to be positive. I must confess it is very hard when I am coughing constantly. It doesn't help that it is really hot, too.

Remember the hold comedy routine when someone would say "it is so hot" and the crowd would say "how hot is it?" That is sort of how I was saying it is so hot.

“How hot is it?” You ask. Well, it is so hot that the ice in the fridge door melts. Yep, melts down the door. When it cools off at night, it refreezes and clogs up the dispenser. The next day it repeats itself. Craziness.

I missed church today. I keep coughing and coughing. I didn't want to be a distraction or pass on my germs. I took a nice long nap this afternoon. The fan was blowing full blast. I woke up to find Razzle, Dazzle and Pouncy snoozing with me.
I did a job search today - again. So many of the jobs Dean has applied for and hears nothing. Is this just telling us to on to Corpus? When we decided to come here it was based on pros and cons lists. We each made one. Today I was thinking about another contrasting list. Things we like here and things we liked better back east.

Aside from the big thing - the house - there are lots of other things on the lists. In El Paso we like the sunsets, the mountains, the wide open skies. We like our church, having Anne and Jiggs here, and hanging out with Marie, Megan, and Kali. We like that there hardly any bugs - no waterbugs is a huge plus. We do miss green as in trees and grass. We miss our friends a lot. We miss only 2 hours max to our moms.

Sometimes I wonder why we came. Sometimes I wonder why we can't go back. I know there are a lot of people we met and a lot of things we did that enriched our lives. Had we not come we would have missed them but never have known we were missing them. Maybe God is teaching us something. I am thinking we must be remedial learners as we haven't learned it yet. And so we keep on job hunting and praying about what the next step will be.

Even when the bear cub is 16 . . .

The mama bear is still the mama bear and will go to bat for that bear cub. First off, I have to tell you Joy Anna's hiccups are back. The last few weeks, there have been some scattered out. The last few days there are more and more. Today was a really long and tiring day.

She had to get up early to baby sit. That ended about noon. At 1:30 there was Kali's birthday party. That was followed by a short break at home and then we went to the tram. Megan and I sat on a bench and chatted while the other 6 rode the tram. Neither of us were interested at all.

After that we decided to go to dinner. This is their last week end here. We are trying to soak in as much time with them as possible.

The hiccups have been loud all day today. Loud usually means painful as well. We were sitting at dinner at a table for 8. To my left was a family of 4. They were directly across from Joy Anna. When she would hiccup, all four of them would stare at her. This took actually turning around for the little boy. We all were talking about her hiccups -loudly- trying to get people to realize she was not just being rude. She was getting upset about them staring at her. This makes the hiccups worse. Not a good cycle.

They started talking about what she sounded like. I was getting madder and madder. Finally, as they were getting ready to leave, she hiccuped again. The kid turned and stared. I Leaned over and said very politely "She has the hiccups. She can't help making that sound. They are very very painful for her and it is only worse when people stare at her."

The mother who had had several glasses of wine was livid. She told me that they had no idea what I was talking about. I told her that it was evident by the way they all stared at her that she knew what I was talking about. She then told me I was rude to tell her son anything. This really ticked both me and Joy Anna off. I told her their actions were rude. I just wanted them to know how it hurt her to have people stare.

Joy Anna told her she did know what we were talking about since SHE had been staring at her the whole time, too.

They turned and left. I really hope they think about the feelings of others

We are all really tired of hiccups. I guess we will have to send an email to her english teacher and warn him about the strange sounds she makes.

Blog Visitors

I checked my blog visitors last night, and my readership has dropped. I am sure that is due to the fact that I have not been posting as much as often. I am certain it is not due to my constant whining.

Seriously, I am guessing it is the whining. Believe me, I don't even want to read them. I am going to try to make a turn around. I am going to look for the positive and try to find some humor in the day. My blogs used to really be fun - even when we were living in upheaveal.

I must confess there is minimal amount of today to look for humor. I have been on the sofa all day. I didn't get much sleep last night, so I have been here just in my own little corner of the couch.

We did watch a funny movie. It was called My Super ex girlfriend.

I am going to try to do better I promise.

Today was a little better

I felt a little better today. Not , great but better. We did go to Las Cruces to the famer's market. Wednesdays are not nearly as nice as Saturdays. It was still nice to get out and walk around.

We headed to Mesilla and walked around a few of the shops before visting at the pecan orchard gift shop. After that, I was exhausted so we came home and I rested.

We went to scenic mountain and watched the sunset. It was tons of fun.

they are leaving tomorrow morning.
it is sad that they have to go when I finally start feeling better.

Dean has hunted and hunted for a job here in EP. Joy Anna would like to stay. I am a tad worried about the violence spilling over. I am just ready to know something. His boss wants him to go to Corpus. Most of the jobs he has applied for her make much more money than the corpus job. When he wrote and asked for the differnece in pay from taking off last week, he told them a compromise number. It is not going to be great pay, but it working for someone you can trust goes a long way.

Hopefully, he will get a response to that. If we do move, I had planned to really set up the photo biz in a big way. I would like to do that, but I may have to get a job. I will have to work around homeschooling JA. Dean doesn't like the idea of me working. I am just so tired of being behind. At the moment we can't afford his medicines. We can't addord the 100 it takes to keep my web site up and running for another year. This has just gotten bad.

Right now, I can't sleep. Everytime I lay down or even slump, my coughing starts with a vengence. I went back to the doctor today at the free clinis. I have walking pneumonia. Dean said quite walking. I have. I have just been a fixture on my corner of the couch. Today the extended family came over for dinner. Marie made a really yummy deep dish pizza. Yesterday we had home made tamales from the lady who works with Dean. they were awesome. My mouth is really sore from several days of sucking on cough drops. I would love some buttermilk to soothe them, but am avoiding dairy because of the cough. She did give me some cough meds. As long as I sit upright I do pretty good with them. Well, it is finally time to take the next one, so I am going to do that and dry to grab a few minutes of sleep. before it wears off.

I have coughed so much my broken hand is really sore. Last night I was miserable. I wanted to cry, but that only stopped my head up more. Tonight it really is a lot better.

The healthcare crisis and how it effects us

As I have posted, we have no insurance. I wrote a nice little piece while sitting at the free clinic sponsored by a local church last Saturday. I have been really sick. If you know me, you know that every cold settles in my chest and can get really nasty. That is exactly what happened.

I started taking all the over the counter stuff I had given Eric to help him shake it. It didn't work for me. Instead, I got a double ear infection, bronchitis, upper respiratory infection and asthma. What a fun time I am having.

I sat at the clinic and wrote what a shame it is that those of us who make a decent salary can not afford health insurance. We don't get housing subsidized. The only food cost break I get is coupons and comparison shopping. It really is frustrating. By the time you add up the free stuff so many people get, they are making more money than we are.

We need to sell our house. That would really help us.

We didn't know until Dean got his check that they were docking him the two days it took for us to go to Ruston to get Eric. He has worked over 57 hours of overtime since Jan , but I guess they did not count that for anything. It is really crazy since he had a meeting with his boss last week and told him how bad off we are financially. What a shock when I opened the check. I am not sure how I am going to meet all the bills this week.

Mom, Troy and Jamie are here. They got her Saturday afternoon. We went out to the mountain state park for them to hike around. Dean sat in the car with me. Jamie decided to run after being told not to. If she had run on the path, it would have not been so bad. Instead, she ran through the vegetation- vegetation in El Paso is primarily cactus. Mom and JoyAnna had to take her to the hospital to have them but out of her knee. Craziness.

On Sunday, we took them and the dogs to White Sands. We had bought a pass a few months ago, so all it costs to go is the gas. We took a picnic, so that was a very cheap day outing. I spent most of the time sitting. I couldn't slide because of my hand and being so sick. Everyone including dogs had a wonderful time.

Everyone was so worn out last night even the dogs went to bed by 9. I tried, but I coughed most of the night. Today, Joy Anna went shopping with Mom, Troy and Jamie. I stayed home and tried to sleep. I did a little. I am so stuffed up, even my teeth hurt. They won't let me take much because of my blood pressure. Today Megan went and got me some whiskey. We have mixed it with everything suggested on the internet. My coughing has been greatly reduced. I thought I would be sleepy, but I am not. Hopefully, tomorrow will be much better.

Megan and Kali are leaving on the 25th. We don't have a ton of time left with them. We are wanting to spend time with them. We want to spend time with mom and them too. We are planning on the zoo tomorrow.

Eric got an official Invite

Yep, it came two days ago- an official inviation to go to the Conference for the IMB Journeyman program. He had worked for weeks on getting everything in to them. Then he waited weeks for them to issue the inviation. When he work up on Saturday morning he had an email stating that he had passed the health portion. He got the invite two days ago and had to know within 24 hours where he would be traveling from and to. He and Dean are hoping to go on the annual men's fishing trip the weekend before the conference. He was hoping he could fly out from Arkansas, but it is not going to work out that way. He sent his reply in and in 38 minutes he had an e-ticket ready for him. They were right on top of that.

Now we wait. Waiting is something I really do a lot now. The lesson this week at Bible Study concluded with the verse about waiting upon the Lord. Wait- our timing is not his. Wait.

Dean's boss came on Monday. Dean thought he was coming to talk to him about the project - to get an update. Nope, he came to talk to Dean about us moving to Corpus. Dean told him the money was not what we needed. We are struggling. He said he would have to see about it. They really want Dean there. This guy has a great reputation. Very well respected firm. Had we not come here to EP, there is no way that this guy would have ever hired Dean. Maybe this is one of the reasons we are here?

You know I have hated a lot about the move and the effects of the move. There have been so many things that are good that we would have missed out on had we not moved here. There are so many people we have met, so many opportunities we have had. Yes there have been some really great parts. I hope one day we look back and realize the good did outweigh the bad.

What a week and a day- surely it lasted MUCH longer than that

Well, let's see what all has been going on. We got the house moved around and it is looking great. Except for Eric's room- I had such big plans. Of course my plans don't usually go as planned.

Our big deal was trying to find a way to bring Eric home. I had no idea that going to consume so much of my time. We tried to rent a truck. That story is really LONG. I can post it later. Because we were having issues finding a truck, I thought maybe we could go trade in our car for something that will pull a trailer. We really need to get rid of the sebring anyway because we owe way too much on it. Dean went in and told them that we had lousy credit and owed too much on the car, but the guy said no problem at all. You know if it sounds too good . . .

He brought home a car- we loved it- it was a chevy traverse. Really wonderful right up til the time we went back to really buy it- then yep, the louy credit and owing too much were a problem after all. Delightful day- not.

That led us up to Wednesday when we finally got a truck about 7:30pm before leaving at 6 am Thursday on the trip.

Dean and I had a nice quiet day- we really enjoyed the xm radio where we could not ever have to switch stations- awesome. It was a really, really long day- we got to shreveport late like 8pm. Dean realized he had left his clothes at home so we had to make a walmart run. I was not happy he wasn't really dressed up for graduation, but he looked fine.

On Friday Eric came over and we went to Ross to look for the prom dress JoyAnna wants in another color. No luck. She did get a few things from Nana B. I found a cute top on clearance 8.00 :) so, I got that to wear to graduation. We went to El Chico's - Nana treated us- even though she can't imagine why we want mexican food when we live in El Paso. Next we headed to Castor to visit Dean's dad and Patti. We visited a while and headed even further into rural LA to eat catfish. Eric pigged out on a giant platter. Dean had catfish and I had a steak- yeah, I know, but I am not that much into fish. It was a really popular place to eat, so we had to wait a really, really long time. It was nice to get to visit while we waited, though.

We got up really early on Saturday and headed to Ruston. I rode with Eric and we got to visit. Tha was really nice. Ranger was really glad to see us. We had no idea how much stuff Eric had accumulated over the years. We filled up the truck- higher than the cab. We also packed the crew cab and Eric's car. Mom, Troy, and Billie came over to the house. Eric said he would like to have bar b q. I picked us up some really yummy sandwiches on whole wheat sourdough.

We met Bill and Shari and Johnny and Patti over at the baskeball arena for graduation. There were 9 of us. I tried to sit on a back row. they said it was for elderly and handicapped- I tried to tell them that everyone else was old or disabled, but they didn't believe me.

I was so proud of Eric. He graduated with a 3.49- barely missing honors. Oh well. We are still so proud of him. I met several of his friends and his Sunday School teacher. They all had such nice things to say about him.

After graduation, we went back to the 708 and picked up Ranger and started ono ur way. We went to the crawfish palace in Haughton where we met Ricky, Sheila and Joey. That made 13 in our party. The place was quite 'happening' it is like a huge screened in porch with ceiling fans. They didn't serve any drinks on ice. They had no forks or spoons. Lots of paper towells on the table. They served the crawfish in huge trays. It was so much fun. I got boiled shrimp - hot but not too spicy. Loved the hot, but was wishing for more spice. It was still pretty dadgum good, though.

It was so much fun to hang out with everyone. The waitress yelled out to everyone that eric was a graduate from tech. He got a pink lei. Pretty fun night.

We got back on the road early this morning- 13 hours is a long, long time in the car. Ranger was not a happy camper when I drove Eric's car. He thought Eric left him. It took forever to get everything unloaded. Tonight Eric is really sick. He is coughing like crazy. I hope tomorrow he feels better.

I feel a little better today. The hand is not quite as bad. Dean and Joy Anna have been having to so all the heavy moving. We finally got the living room moved into the front room. It is taking some time, but we will get it.

Nothing is going as planned to go to graduation. We can not get a truck to move him home in. We were just going to rent from enterprise becuase the moving vans are so expensive. They will not let us take it into Louisiana. It will work out.

Joy Anna babysits tomorrow. Dean and I will probably be working on the house.

I can't even think of a catchy title. I reinjured my hand. The delightful part of no insurance is now I can not go to the doctor. I will just have to deal with it.

I am exhausted- physically, emotionally, mentally, financially- what else is there? Spiritually, I have been, but I think that is improving.

I am trying so hard to catch us up- since the ex boss/partner owes us 10,000 you can only imagine how tight it is for us. I am doing the best I can. I am down to being only about one month behind on the big stuff. Keeping the house out of foreclosure and the cars from being repossesed are the big deals right now. Of course I have to pay utilities and car insurance. Health insurance is a thing of the past. That means I now have to pay the full amount for Dean's meds. That is not cheap at all. He has to have them. If he doesn't, there is no way I can sleep and he doesn't sleep well. Neuropothy is no fun for either of us.

There are other smaller bills that I can not even make a dent in at the moment. I would if I could.

We can't even afford for Joy Anna to get her driver's lisence because the insurance will go up. I feel bad that I can not buy her anything these days. If she gets something new, she buys it with her babysitting money. She bought a new top today. The first new clothing item she has had in months. Oh wait, there was a dress she paid 6.00 for to wear to the Christmas dance.

Eric is having to pay to move himself here.

This is so not what we planned when we moved here. Things were supposed to be so much better financially for us. Didn't happen.

Grocery shopping has turned into an adventure. I had to give up Charmin toilet paper. I can not ever remember not buying it. It no longer fits the budget. Suave shampoo is doing the best it can to replace the matrix that really makes my hair look nice. Hair cuts are a thing of the past- had it not been for sweet friends who have me a gift of a trip to the salon, it would not have happened any time soon. I must confess that I do still pay $7.00 for a box of hair color every 8 weeks. A girl can not have gray hair.

I think the benedryl is kicking in- did I forget to mention I have hives? Gotta love stress. My right hand is tired of all the typing anyway. I apologize for all the whining.

February is almost gone

I have been very lax on posting- in that time I have gone thru 2 casts and am back to the splint. The casts were very painful, but so is going with out. I have taken a lot of photos, but it is much easier without a cast.

Eric has finished all of his paperwork to go and in les than 2 weeks he will be living with us. We have been trying to get the house ready to add another person and a dog. Dean and I cleaned out the garage Saturday. It was a bad day- kept thinking about Nanny. Today Megan came over and we stocked her up with Tupperware to take to Japan.

We went to White sands yesterday. It was Mae Mae's birthday. We had tons and tons of fun. We are really, really going to miss them. I can't even think about that right now.

Joy Anna is doing great in school. She is excelling in her english class. She is enjoying the dance class, too.

My hand is starting to hurt- will post more later. Oh, Dean's job has extended til the end of April, but he is still looking. We are still praying for the right job.

bad cast

last night i could not sleep well- the cast was really hurting my hand. i got up and used tweezers and a knife and took a bunch of junk out of it. that gave my hand more room and i finally got to sleep.

this morning i sat with jw. smart boy said my cast was bad- i agree.

friday, finally

this has been a long week. i am avoiding capital letters because my arm is elevated and it is too hard to use the shift key one handed. on wednesday my hand hurt so bad, i callef the dr, he wrote orders for a cast to immobilize 3 fingers. i nearly fainted while they were doing it. not a nice feeling.

thursday we went to the al. it was the last time this year to dress kids. we had a nice lunch afterwards. it was bbq- not bad either, but i sure would have liked sauce from bodacious or big dave's.

today was a long, long, long day. we went to college, then lunch and rest with uncle jiggs and anne, then yearbook, then prom dressing- which almost made us late for play practice, then dinner with the extended family.

tommorrow i am getting up way too early to go do joyanna's babysitting job.

Monday Madness

I guess part of today's madness goes back to Friday night. We had our extended family here (Megan, MaeMae, and Kali). They brought a wonderful chicken dish. Yummy. After dinner we hung out and watched Monk. Fun. Well, it was fun until I sat down on the sofa and scooted myself back on the couch using my hands. The pain was awful. I told them I thought I broke something. None of us really believed it since I was just sitting down. We put ice on it and tried to get my ring off. No luck.

It didn't hurt so bad the next day til later in the day. I tried to grate cheese, but that really hurt. On Sunday I felt a lot better unitl I drov Dean's car. That hurt really, really bad.

After school today I brought ja home to do chemistry then I went to the doctor. My hand is broken in the palm. Now it hurts really, really bad from the splint. He said it was a very odd injury. I had to go get my wedding ring taken off. I hate having to have it cut off.
hurts my heart.

I am so tired tonight. Discouraged, too. I thought I was losing some weight but not by that scale. My blood pressure was better. I am heading to bed now.

The Week in Review

I have been busy with so many things, I didn't even stop to write about a few big things.

On Wednesday Joy Anna started school at El Paso Community College. She is taking English and Modern Dance. She could have taken two academic classes, but she needs a fine art and she loves dance. I thought one class would be good to get her started.

I went to the library and hung out and worked on photos. It was great to have some time just for me to do photography. I got a lot done on Friday during my two hours.

Thursday we did School Bell again. We really enjoy the opportunity to do that. There is only one more week for this year. That is a good thing since we are running out of clothes.

Dean is still job hunting. We have sent out so many applications and resumes. He did get an email back from a job with the city. Hopefullys omething will come of that or the government one. EIther one would be good pay and nice benefits.

We are getting quite a few calls on the house now that we have it for sale by owner. I hope that someone buys it soon. If they did that I could not be so worried about the bills. I wish the government would bail out the people- then we could pay our bills which in turn would bail out the big companies. Seems simple to me.

I have been thinking about writing Dean's old boss a letter. Not the angry one I wrote a few weeks ago but didn't mail. I am thinking of writing and apealing to his sense of right (that is assuming he has one) and asking him to pay Dean what he owes him. My sanity needs that to happen so I can catch up on the bills. The stress is eating me alive.

Joy Anna auditioned for the dinner theatre for the church. She got a part. I am going to do props. I am excited. I ahve missed that. Maybe that will help my creativity. I certainly need to be creative. My photography is suffering because I am really struggling with the creative part where I usually can put things together fairly easily.