Thursday, April 30, 2009

This week has flown

Here it is late Thursday. I have not accomplished nearly as much as I had intended to accomplish. I did fine at work, but at home and my other commitments, I haven't made much progress. Tomorrow night is JoyAnna's prom. She doesn't even have earrings. What a mom I am. I also just thought about a flower for her date. I didn't do that. I need to deal with that bright and early in the morning.

I am so busy with so many things. Why I am doing this?

We so need the money - from the job and photography. I am so worried about what is going to happen with Dean's job.

If I stay at the church for three months, I can get insurance. If I get insurance, maybe I can get meds again. Maybe then I won't feel like crying all the time. If Dean gets a different job, then will we have to start over waiting for insurance?

I can be so calm at work, then I come home and the reality of the bills and all hits me in the face. Makes me have a bad evening.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Made it through Day 1

Well, I made it through day one of my new job. It is very pleasant there. It is very, very quiet. Most church offices I have been in have not been this quiet. Very different for me. I am not a quiet person.

I am tired. I have so much to do on the yearbook, but I am tired. I am not sure when I am going to get it done.

JoyAnna has a dance showcase tomorrow for the school. She doesn't want us to go. She says her dance is stupid and she doesn't want us to see it. I am not sure I like that. As soon as I get off tomorrow, I have to go over and babysit at her job until the dad gets home. Dean will have to take her to the dance thing.

She has a date for prom. He is a very nice young man from the church. It will be a very nice night for them, I hope.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Eric is home

He is overwhelmed with information, tiredness, decision making and so much more. He even ate real food this week. Something he has never done before. He ate salad. Wow.

There is so much to tell. We have tons of questions. He will not have a 'for sure' answer until after May 8. More waiting. There could be something totally random that would kick his application out, but the chance is only about 1%. Hopefully, everything will go right on through like it is supposed to.

We'll have to figure it out as we go. Just have to have faith.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

I am employed-well I will be soon

I haven't had a full time job in 22 years. I have had a few jobs that were part time for the most. Sometimes I spent a ton of time on Tupperware and PG sometimes was a lot of hours like during reset season.

Mark called this morning and asked me if I could start on Monday. Joy Anna thinks it is great that she and her two best friends have parents that work at church. I go tomorrow and fill out the forms.

Shannon called today. JoyAnna is going to start working 2 days a week for her. She can pay for things she needs, which will be nice. I can help pay on bills. Now if Eric could find something where he would be able to have some spending money before he goes.

Now, we are down to about 37 days until we are supposed to move. I hope there is still is an opportunity for something else for Dean. Of course if we move, JoyAnna, Eric and I will all be job hunting there. This is going to be quite a ride for the next few weeks.

I packed a few boxes today. There is so much dust here, I decided to just pack up everything on the shelves. We have to leave the windows open which means everything is dusty. It is easier to dust empty shelves than stuff.

Ranger is doing so much better about walking with us without having to be on a leash. So proud of him.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

what a roller coaster day

I had to go take care of the insurance on the Longview house today. I was under the impression that they were going to insure the house for the asking price. When I got there I was told they were going to reduce it by 35% because of the age of the house and that we have a tenant. Both of those things were well known before they ever agreed to write the insurance. I Was livid. I mean LIVID. I had been told on April 5 they would insure the house. Yes, I was told that they might not be able to insure the full amount, but no one said 35%! I told him in no uncertain terms how mad I was that it had taken more than 2 weeks for someone to go there and take the pics and decide on this- 3 days after the old one had cancelled. Of course he said he had told me. Yep, but no way did I ever think it would be 35%.

So, after I cried and went ahead and paid the down payment, I headed home. Not a happy day.

I called my mom. She prayed for me. I prayed. The agent called back tonight. He is going to rewrite the policy for the full amount. Praise the Lord!

I so need the house to sell. Tonight a lady that had called last week and looked at it over the weekend, called back tonight. She is going to talk to the bank on Friday. She was honest and said she has looked at a couple of other houses. I need it to sell to break that tie. Until it does, I will constantly want to be going back. I need it to sell badly for so many reasons.

Eric called today. He seems very sure of what he is doing. Everything is going his way it seems. Just keep praying for him.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The Phone is Found!

I got up early this morning- I really, really wanted to sleep late, but I knew I needed to help him find that phone. We really can't afford another one right now. I called ATT. I figured we use GPS on the phones all the time, surely they could help us find the phone. No luck.

So, I called the shuttle back. The man I got was really nice. He asked me questions about when Eric arrived, where he went, etc. He called me back about 10 minutes later with good news. This shuttle company must do a lot of driving for them, because they were going back out there several times today. About 1 my time, they called me and told me that it was waiting for him at the security desk. WooHoo! What an answer to prayer.

So far still no job prospects for Dean.

I am mailing my resume to the pastor tonight. It will be funny if I get a job before anyone else when I am not looking.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Eric left early this morning. He sent a text when he was in Atlanta. he sent another one from VA saying he made it. He sent another one later and twittered that he was seeing rain and trees. Then, he lost his phone.

He sent an email tonight telling me. He thinks maybe he lost it on the shuttle. I called but no luck. Just grand.

He is really excited about the week. He will have lots of times to interview different supervisors. Hopefully, he will find just the right job for him.

I hope he will keep me posted as to what is going on. He took a list of about 20 jobs he was interested in. He also took 18 interview questions to ask the supervisors. He was well thought out.

Please be praying for him

I know that Noah faced the rain for 40 days and nights. I know he spent a lot of time preparing for those 40 days and a lot of time on the ark after those 40 days. We have spent a lot of time, but now we are down to 40 days. In 40 days, we either have to go to Corpus or have another job. I am stressed.

Dean is stressed. The contractors are not doing their jobs. He has no leverage. He is not liking this at all.

So, just pray for all of us.

so much has haooened this week

Sleep has not been one of them. I am not sleeping well. Because I have to use Dean's computer, I have to do it late at night.

Tomorrow will be another late one. I wish I could sleep tonight.

On Thursday I was offered a job. Because of the possibility of moving, it might be temporary. I admit I am a little nervous. I haven't had a full time job in over 20 years. Thursday night we went to church and finished up the stage.

Friday was a fun day but really, really long. The show was great. We did it all over again on Saturday.

Today we spent a lot of time getting Eric packed and ready to go to the conference. Please pray for him. He has lots of decisions to make.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


Today was not a bad day. I didn't sleep well last night, so I was pretty tired today. I spent a lot of time working on photos last night. I had planned to sleep late, but didn't get to. Joy Anna and I were going to the free clinic today. I need a new Rx for my hormone pills. JoyAnna needs a Rx for her pills. I was going to see if there was a generic anti depressant. Yeah, some might think it is a copout, but I am struggling now.

We waited but then they came out and put up a sign that said no clinic today. Oh Well, we will try again on Saturday or Tuesday.

I spent a lot of time today sending out resumes for Dean. I also have been working on the yearbook. Dean cleaned up the kitchen, cooked supper, and cleaned it up again. He is a good husband.

Tonight I did more photo orders and watched idol and fringe. JoyAnna had play practice. Tomorrow we are going to do yearbook again. I hope we are almost finished. I am about to head back to the table to work on the yearbook some more.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Not sure how much more I can take

I am worn out- physically, financially, emotionally, mentally. I am still talking to God, so I am not thinking I am spiritually worn out, but I might be.

I feel like I am being pulled in so many directions. I am overwhelmed. Today, I did Eric's taxes. I am getting an extension for mine. If I wasn't going to, I surely am now.

I think we got a 'mail audit' today. I didn't try to cheat anyone, but I guess I made a mistake last year. When we did the remodel, we got the money out of our retirement. We payed tons of taxes on it. I guess I missed a penalty that is now going to cost us $11,000. I am NOT happy.

What is happening to us? Why is every day a different issue that causes us more grief? Have we done something? Are we not doing something we should?

I can barely bay the bills we have now let alone this. When June 1 rolls around, will we have a job? Will we have to go to Corpus and take a job that is not at all what we need? Where do I go to resign? I am tired. I don't actually know how much more I can take. I know everyone says God won't give us more than we can handle, but I don't think that is true. I think he doesn't give us more than he can handle and he can handle a lot. I keep trying to give it to him. I try not to take it back.

I wish we could go back 13 months and stay in Longview. I know I would have missed some delightful people, but maybe we wouldnt be in such a bad way.

I know I was going to try to be positive, but honestly, I can't think of a thing tonight.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Taking the plunge

I have been in a really rotten cycle. I get depressed and eat then I get more depressed and eat more because I am fat. I am miserable. I have to make changes. I can't afford to go to the gym. I dropped that membership a few months ago. I walk almost everyday, but I must be doing something wrong. I just keep getting bigger. None of my clothes fit. I look awful. That doesn't help me at all.

So, tomorrow, I have to do something. My friend is counting calories. Maybe I will give that a try. I need to do something. I have to do something.

I have done it before. I can do it again. I wish I could break the cycle.

I am going to need some major encouragement.

I can do this. I can.

Easter Sunday

We had such a nice day today. We went to church- all 4 of us as a family. Then we went to lunch at the home of our Pastor. His daughter and Joy Anna have become fast friends. We had a great time. There were about 18 of us there. Funny thing - all of us are knew in the past year and all of us are scheduled to leave soon. I really pray something good comes up for Dean.

Eric got a call early this morning from the state job with the tram. He was going to call them back this afternoon. It was a good thing he decided to check his voicemail. They called him back and left a message they had to know by 4. It is Easter- crazy, huh? Anyway, he has an appt for an interview on Wednesday afternoon. The pay is good. Hopefully, he'll get it. If we move somewhere in TX maybe he can transfer.

Thursday, April 9, 2009


Yep. That is a description of me in one word. It is like everything is happening at once. In the next week I have to get my taxes done, get my team to finish the yearbook, and get so much done before the dinner theatre.

Tonight I got my new website up and running. I really couldn't afford to do it, but I decided I couldn't afford not to. I had not renewed my old one. They had not removed it, but it is not fair to use it if I haven't renewed. I have had several photoshoots in the last few weeks and no way to display them. If I can't display them, I can't sell them. If I can't sell them, there is no sense in taking them.

Although I am not exactly sure where we are moving, I started packing up things. Things like winter clothes. Tomorrow I should pack, but I am going to have to work on my other list of things and housework. If something comes up here in EP we are still going to move to a place with real airconditioning. I know the utilities will be more, but I can't make another year with just a swamp cooler.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Today was a nice day

Today we finished up the Bible study on Esther. I really, really enjoyed the study. So many times, I thought I was actually in there for 'just a time of this.' Today really sollidified that. I probably would not have taken this in Longview. I had to come 800 miles away and go to a Methodist chruch to get into this Bible study.

We had a delightful pot luck dinner with all the ladies. So much fun.

After that, we went over to the Wise house and visited with Aunt Winn before she left to go back to CA. Joy Anna didn't get to go. I left her crying on the couch. She had missed school because of a horrible upset stomach- I guess the same thing Dean and I had yesterday. She didn't want to give it to them. She was really sad, she didn't get to see Aunt Winn. I wish I had the money to fly her to CA for a visit. Not likely anytime soon.

I was so very tired from not sleeping last night that I took a short nap. Tonight I am sitting and doing nothing. Yesterday was exhausting.

Tonight I am going to be up late again. I need to do some photo orders. Then, I am going to close down one website and open up another one.

I so need a working computer instead of having to use Dean's or Eric's. It really limits the time. I have done several photo shoots over the last few weeks and do not have a way to display them. Need to do something. Soon.

Dean had to change his brakes tonight. Had to do it for safety. Because of that, we didn't get to really work on the job hunt tonight. Dean's mom sent an email stating that Longview had some jobs. I went to the site and looked, but there were none for Dean. Oh well.

Tomorrow we try some more.

Not the best day

I woke up sick. Dean came home sick.

We are really torn about this move. We are too old to be starting over. That is exactly what this new job will be. Tonight I sent out more resumes. We need good benefits. Yes, this guy is a good guy. Yes, it would be a great to work for someone so well respected. But . . .

Pray with us about this. There has to be something better. I know God has good plans for us. We had stopped sending out resumes thinking this one was going to work out.

Seriously, it would be like another cut in pay. We can't do it. There is nothing left to cut out of our expenses.

There were several govt jobs ending today. I managed to get resumes sent in before they closed. Pray that the right job will come through.

Monday, April 6, 2009


Today was a fun day. I sat with 2 adorable kiddos. They were delightful. Afterwards I had a photoshoot and that went well. It was at a really cool church up on the mountain.

Tonight I have a bad case of the blues. I don't want to have to go through all the issues with moving. I am stressed to the max with money issues. Most of the time I feel like I am rhe only one dealing with it. I'll live but I am stressed.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Another nice Saturday

Mae Mae came to pick us up at 9. We went to Las Cruces to the farmer's market. We had tons of fun window shopping and walking around. When we had seen all there was to see, we went to Mesilla and walked around there, too. Oh, to have money to spend on a few fuun things. Oh well, we have made some really great memories in the area. I have taken so cool photos as well.

When we got home, we sort of just chilled out for a while. There was 5.00 night at the arena football league. We had thought about doing it, but didn't. Dean wants us to cut back.

Joy Anna went to Lauren's to help her get ready for the prom. They did her hair and fixed her up. She looked beautiful. She is a very beautiful girl, but she was positively glosing tonight. Her mom made mock margaritas and had veggie tray and chip and dip for them. They really had fun.

After I picked JA up, we came back to the house. I got a really late start on supper, but we all enjoyed the fried chicken. Now, I just wish someone else would clean the kitchen.

Tomorrow is church. JA and I are working over in the kid's section for the palm Sunday special event they do. It should be fun to do.

Joy Anna has been putting her baby sitting money in with our money. It has rescued us a few times in the last few months. She bought her prom dress and is saving for her shoes and accessories. She and I have another babysitting job this week. We are keeping 2 little ones for three days this week. Maybe more the next week. Every little bit helps.

corpus here we come

Well it is official. We will be going to corpus probably around june 1. I am really torn. I am going to miss a lot about El Paso. There are a lot of things we wanted to do but couldn't because of money. We will miss some wonderful friends here.

I dread packing, but at least Dean has a job. I am going to start on some marketing things for photography. I hope we can go in with some business already lined up.

I am going to photograph some kids here as samples for something I hope to do there. I hope it works out.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Still languishing in the land of limbo

Yep, we are still waiting. I talked to Dean sometime yesterday and he said he had gotten a message they would call either Wed or Thursday. There was no call on Wed. I was going to blog about it last night, but I fell asleep - blackberry in hand, glasses on face, on my stomach in the bed. So no blog for yesterday.

JoyAnna had a bad day yesterday. We need to get medicine for her. It is very hard with no insurance. I can not imagine that birth control pills actually cost 60 a month. No wonder there are so many unwed mothers. So today I called some family planning clinics. Yes, even the one I don't like. They were between 70 and 90 and she has to have a pelvic exam. Tomorrow I am going to call her doctor in Longview and see if he will call in one of the generic ones.

I still do not have a working computer. That means I can not do the orders I have. This is really, really stressing me out. We have not gotten the rent check from our renter which means we will probably have to pay a late fee to our landlord. I will be so ready to move from here. Just because of having to rent and having to pay stupid late fees. It is odd the check hasn't come. Usually it is here before the 1st. I paid the mortgage already. Normally, I pay rent first and then the mortgage. Messed up this month.

I am also stressing over the yearbook. I need to get it done. We have another work day tomorrow. Because of my computer being messed up, I can not even use my printer and scanner and do the work I need to do. I so need to get this done.

Today I finally was able to go over to the relatives. We had a nice dinner. It was good to be with them. We will really miss them if we have to go. Aunt Win is here from CA. It was fun to all be together. Dean was late, but he came and ate after we were all finished.

There was one great thing that happened today. We found a pharmacy that sold him his meds for a really cheap rate- much cheaper than walmart- we were so excited. Made my day.