This was Tuesday's post that never posted.

As days go, today was not too bad. I got to sleep until a fuzzy face roused me from my dreams. The fuzz belonged to Ranger and not Dean. He wanted outside. He is quite a character. He wants to sleep in my room and not Eric's. I am not sure why. He has his bed in Eric's room but sleeps on carpet in mine. At bedtime, he makes it known where he is sleeping.

Eric got a call from target today about an interview. This morning I encouraged him to go volunteer at a PT clinic. He will need 50 hours to apply to PT school. I don't think he knows what he wants to do. I don't know if he is being called into the ministry or what. I am trying not to be pushy. If that is his calling, that is great. If it is something else, I just want him to be prepared. I would hate for him to end up on the opposite side of the world and decide PT is his thing and not be able to get in 50 hours and have to hold off for another year to go to school.

I know he is bored just hanging out here.

Tomorrow is Wednesday - THE big day when Dean will know what is being offered for the move. I guess by this time tomorrow we will know if and when we are moving. I must admit I am a little worried. If he doesn't have this job, he has no job at all.

Tomorrow is Bible Study and then we are going to visit the uncle and aunts- that will be fun. Because I have been so sick, I have not been over in a month. I really have missed them.

Okay, let me start with the positive - because I am going to bed today is over!!!!

I got up raring to go this morning planning to get in a nice long walk while Joy Anna was in school. That didn't work because of the wind. I do not want to get sick again. I decided I would walk in Lowes. Bad Plan again. Too many chemicals. Asthma sucks.

Dean wants to go fishing. We can't afford it. Today he made it sound like it was my fault he couldn't go. I don't mind him going. If we can't afford it we can't afford it. If we lived in Longview, he would just ride up with Bill like always. We could afford that. We can not afford 210 for an airline ticket.

I found out this afternoon that our house insurance is being cancelled because we are not living there. Great! We have to have a different kind of policy. Great! The first lady said we would have a hard time doing it without a new hot water heater. That turned out to be the least of our worries. Last year there was a tornado- they had to pay out quite a bit for that. The year before there was the remodel and they paid for some of the rot in the bathroom. That means we had too much loss in a year- even though we paid for 12 years before that with no claims.

Then we went to the grocery store. I took Eric and JA both since I don't We had a buggy full. Got up there and the clerk rang it up. I scanned my card- denied. Tried again- denied. Now, Dean put the money in the bank on Friday. This is Monday- the money still has not been applied. Our old bank did it at midnight on Sunday night- not this place. Nope- Midnight today. Eric was with me and scanned his card. It took it despite the fact he didn't have that much in there and I did. Go figure.

Today was one of those days, I couldn't stop eating. It seemed everything I did stressed me out and made me eat more.

I did have a fun shoot this afternoon with a senior guy from the church. He was very nice and polite and really seemed to have a good time. It was a nice break in my day.

Sunday

Today was interesting. We went to church. It was very, very nice. As long as the songs were high, I could even sing without coughing. I needed church today.

After church JoyAnna had a meeting. I decided to take a rest before going to photograph all the homeschool seniors for the yearbook. I was so nervous. I am not sure why. I was having a full blown anxiety attack. Partly, was not feeling up to normal I guess. Not really sure. I was sick at my stomach, and felt horrible. I finally took half of a xanax. I was so glad I did.

Dean and Eric were going to change the oil in my car. It needed to be done. I haven't had the money to take it to have it done. Dean said he was glad, because ehre I had been taking it, had stripped the screw and he couldn't take it out. When the put the filter on, something happened and the oil went everywhere. Thankfully, I had bought more cat litter yesterday.

This happened just as I was getting ready to leave. He had me really upset thinking it was not going to be driveable again. I was freaking out. I did not need this. I was trying so hard not to cry as I drove across the mountain (in Eric's car) to do the shoot. I prayed and prayed. Finally, I just cried out "Jesus, I need your help!" Literally, I am overwhelmed- physically, mentally, financially, emotionally.

Everyone keeps saying that things happen in threes. I think we are getting ours in thirty threes.

Thankfully, Dean was able to repair my car. There is a huge mess in the driveway.

I managed to do the photoshoot. The kids had fun. I hope the photos look ok. Tomorrow I will borrow Dean's computer and work on them.

Eric had a job interview today. It was not a great deal like he thought it was going to be. He will keep looking.

Tomorrow when I take JA to school, I am going to try to walk the whole time. I hope time will counter the fact that I can not walk fast because I can not breathe. I have to do something. I think I need to go on the biggest loser. I am miserable. Being overweight is not helping my emotional, mental, and physical state. I had to give my gym membership. One more thing I can not afford. gotta love it.

Dean is going to have to miss his fishing trip- for the first time in nearly 18 years. We won't be able to afford it. I feel really bad for him. He is upset about it, and he doesn't usually show he is upset with things.

Wow, let me think of something positive- I got to go to church today :)

I just wanna be a sheep

I used to sing that song- I just wanna be a sheep baa baa, I just wanna be a sheep.

All this week, KLOVE's word of encouragement has dealt with sheep and being led. Firday's was this
But he led His own people like a flock of sheep, guiding them safely through the wilderness.
~ Psalm 78:52, NLT
I posted on my facebook "thankfully He is leading and I can be a sheep and just follow. now if I could learn to be a sheep and just follow"

I thought about this a lot yesterday and today. I started thinking about sheep - they don't have a clue where they are being led. They don't really sit around and complain and whine that they don't know. They just follow. They don't plan what they are taking and where they will take it. They just go. He is going to lead his ship safely. It is going to be through the wilderness. Believe, me. I feel like I am in the wilderness. I need to be like a sheep- keep my head down, follow the shepherd. That means not try to be the leader. Not try to find my own way.

A nice Saturday

I got to sleep a little late today :) Dean and Eric got up with the dogs. I slept til a little after 8:30 - very, very nice.

My dishwasher is messed up. Not sure why. That means I had to wash a ton of dishes today. While I did that, everyone helped tidy the house. We are still playing catchup from me being sick.

JoyAnna went prom dress shopping with her friends today. While she was doing that, Dean, Eric and I met with Rebecca, a journeygirl missionary stationed here in El Paso. She was with her new fiance. It was great to hear how the IMB really takes care of the journeymen.

After they left, JoyAnna called. They wanted to go downtown, but they couldn't without an adult. I went with them. Joy Anna found her dress. She has been saving her babysitting money. She had shopped and shopped for a dress. Today she finally found one. Her friend Laruen didn't find one today. Maybe tomorrow.

When we got home, Dean and Eric had dinner almost finished. Lauren stayed with us for dinner along with Mae Mae. It was yummy and very casual. They grilled hotdogs and brats. After supper, we went walking. Mae Mae and I went one way with Ranger and Maddie. The girls went the other way with Razzle and Dazzle. We met in the middle. It was really nice to feel like walking again. We did a whole mile tonight.

When Mae Mae started to leave, Ranger decided to escape. It was my fault. I had bragged on him while we were walking. He took off on a run. Dean was finally able to get him to get in the car. It was much better here than in Longview. Not living next to a busy street with fast cars was much better. He just went down a residential street this time. I didn't have an asthma attack, so that was great. Of course I have been having an asthma attack for the last month, but it wasn't nearly as bad as when he got out in Longview.

After that, Mae Mae went home to chat with Megan on the phone. We watched a movie and just chilled out for the evening. Eric got a call late this evening. He has a job interview at Academy tomorrow. Funny thing, one of the jobs he is looking at for IMB is to work at as an adventure specialist and work at a store that sells outdoor things. Maybe another way God is preparing him for his work in the mission field.

brrrrr

I can not get warm tonight. I hope I am not getting sick again. Not that I am really well yet. Today was a LONG day. Eric took JA to school for me. I made it over to the east side and we had a marathon day at yearbook. We made a lot of progress.

I was hoping my computer might get some work today, but it didn't. I guess I am going to have to take it to a repair shop. You just can't imagine how frustrating this is. I had to use Dean's tonight. His doesn't have all the bells and whistles mine does.

I am so tired of not having money to do anything. I can barely keep the bills paid. Ok, I was not going to gripe. Eric is job hunting. Today it was nice when I got home that they had cleaned up the back yard.

tomorrow I can sleep late! I am so excited.

Computers are a pain

I am having computer problems. I am typing this on Dean's borrowed one. Not one I can use regularly. My computer has decided to not stay on. No matter what I do, it goes off before it ever comes on. I desperately need a new one. There is no way I have the money to buy one. With out a computer, I basically have no photo biz.

This is not what I needed right now. This is the only way I have to make money. With out it, I am not going to be able to keep helping with trying to catch up.

I have photo orders to get out and I have a HUGE photoshoot on Sunday night. Of course, I will not have a website either. I don't have the $100 it takes to pay for my hosting site for the next year. It is only still up because I have an order that I haven't been able to process first because of being sick and now my computer.

I am trying to be positive, really I am. The only thing I can think of as positive is how good it would feel to chunk the computer across the room and then stomp on it. :) See, I am trying.

Today, I made a dent in cleaning the house. I have been so sick, it really wasn't worth it to even try to clean. I still have lots to do on it, but it is on its way to better.

I saw something interesting on the news today. We have a 'dustcast' Yep, they discuss the wind and how much dust we are going to have blowing. No wonder I can't breath. I told Dean last night I felt like I was breathing sand. No wonder! I am considering getting some of those masks. Maybe that would help me breathe.

I am really, really sad

We met Marie, Megan and Kali back last summer. Over the last few months, we have gotten really close. Close like there is seldom a day we don't see them. We knew today was coming when Megan and Kali would go to Japan. We were all perfectly happy with them here and our 'El Paso Family' being the three of them plus us.

Today was heartbreaking. Marie's husband and older daughter passed away within 10 weeks of one another about 11 years ago. Today, watching her put Kali and Megan on the airplane was horrible. I can not even imagine her pain.

Sure, Eric is going to be gone for two years, but I have Dean and Joy Anna with me. Please be praying for them. Kali was so upset - she has had her Mae Mae with her all of her life. They have lived together for most of it. Please just be praying for all of them.

Reflection

today has been a very reflective day - not very productive.

I have been thinking alot about moving to corpus. Having the the opportunity for a fresh start would be really awesome. I think. We thought so last time, too.

I am working so hard to catch us up financially. I think sometimes it is all I think about. Can we make it on the offer he has now? Make it, yes. Much more, no. So, here is my thought: This is the only job offer. We have prayed and prayed about it. So, say this is where we are supposed to go. We take the job at this amount. We make tithing a priority. We will be obedient to God. I strongly believe he will take care of us.

So, now, what do I do? Do I start packing? Do I start over in the garage and get rid of more stuff? At the moment, I am not feeling up to doing anything physical. So, tomorrow I plan to work on photos and photo biz stuff. Maybe by Wednesday, I will feel better and be able to start working. Two months is not really a long time.

how hot is it?

Ok here I am still trying to be positive. I must confess it is very hard when I am coughing constantly. It doesn't help that it is really hot, too.

Remember the hold comedy routine when someone would say "it is so hot" and the crowd would say "how hot is it?" That is sort of how I was saying it is so hot.

“How hot is it?” You ask. Well, it is so hot that the ice in the fridge door melts. Yep, melts down the door. When it cools off at night, it refreezes and clogs up the dispenser. The next day it repeats itself. Craziness.

I missed church today. I keep coughing and coughing. I didn't want to be a distraction or pass on my germs. I took a nice long nap this afternoon. The fan was blowing full blast. I woke up to find Razzle, Dazzle and Pouncy snoozing with me.
I did a job search today - again. So many of the jobs Dean has applied for and hears nothing. Is this just telling us to on to Corpus? When we decided to come here it was based on pros and cons lists. We each made one. Today I was thinking about another contrasting list. Things we like here and things we liked better back east.

Aside from the big thing - the house - there are lots of other things on the lists. In El Paso we like the sunsets, the mountains, the wide open skies. We like our church, having Anne and Jiggs here, and hanging out with Marie, Megan, and Kali. We like that there hardly any bugs - no waterbugs is a huge plus. We do miss green as in trees and grass. We miss our friends a lot. We miss only 2 hours max to our moms.

Sometimes I wonder why we came. Sometimes I wonder why we can't go back. I know there are a lot of people we met and a lot of things we did that enriched our lives. Had we not come we would have missed them but never have known we were missing them. Maybe God is teaching us something. I am thinking we must be remedial learners as we haven't learned it yet. And so we keep on job hunting and praying about what the next step will be.

Even when the bear cub is 16 . . .

The mama bear is still the mama bear and will go to bat for that bear cub. First off, I have to tell you Joy Anna's hiccups are back. The last few weeks, there have been some scattered out. The last few days there are more and more. Today was a really long and tiring day.

She had to get up early to baby sit. That ended about noon. At 1:30 there was Kali's birthday party. That was followed by a short break at home and then we went to the tram. Megan and I sat on a bench and chatted while the other 6 rode the tram. Neither of us were interested at all.

After that we decided to go to dinner. This is their last week end here. We are trying to soak in as much time with them as possible.

The hiccups have been loud all day today. Loud usually means painful as well. We were sitting at dinner at a table for 8. To my left was a family of 4. They were directly across from Joy Anna. When she would hiccup, all four of them would stare at her. This took actually turning around for the little boy. We all were talking about her hiccups -loudly- trying to get people to realize she was not just being rude. She was getting upset about them staring at her. This makes the hiccups worse. Not a good cycle.

They started talking about what she sounded like. I was getting madder and madder. Finally, as they were getting ready to leave, she hiccuped again. The kid turned and stared. I Leaned over and said very politely "She has the hiccups. She can't help making that sound. They are very very painful for her and it is only worse when people stare at her."

The mother who had had several glasses of wine was livid. She told me that they had no idea what I was talking about. I told her that it was evident by the way they all stared at her that she knew what I was talking about. She then told me I was rude to tell her son anything. This really ticked both me and Joy Anna off. I told her their actions were rude. I just wanted them to know how it hurt her to have people stare.

Joy Anna told her she did know what we were talking about since SHE had been staring at her the whole time, too.

They turned and left. I really hope they think about the feelings of others

We are all really tired of hiccups. I guess we will have to send an email to her english teacher and warn him about the strange sounds she makes.

Blog Visitors

I checked my blog visitors last night, and my readership has dropped. I am sure that is due to the fact that I have not been posting as much as often. I am certain it is not due to my constant whining.

Seriously, I am guessing it is the whining. Believe me, I don't even want to read them. I am going to try to make a turn around. I am going to look for the positive and try to find some humor in the day. My blogs used to really be fun - even when we were living in upheaveal.

I must confess there is minimal amount of today to look for humor. I have been on the sofa all day. I didn't get much sleep last night, so I have been here just in my own little corner of the couch.

We did watch a funny movie. It was called My Super ex girlfriend.

I am going to try to do better I promise.

Today was a little better

I felt a little better today. Not , great but better. We did go to Las Cruces to the famer's market. Wednesdays are not nearly as nice as Saturdays. It was still nice to get out and walk around.

We headed to Mesilla and walked around a few of the shops before visting at the pecan orchard gift shop. After that, I was exhausted so we came home and I rested.

We went to scenic mountain and watched the sunset. It was tons of fun.

they are leaving tomorrow morning.
it is sad that they have to go when I finally start feeling better.

Dean has hunted and hunted for a job here in EP. Joy Anna would like to stay. I am a tad worried about the violence spilling over. I am just ready to know something. His boss wants him to go to Corpus. Most of the jobs he has applied for her make much more money than the corpus job. When he wrote and asked for the differnece in pay from taking off last week, he told them a compromise number. It is not going to be great pay, but it working for someone you can trust goes a long way.

Hopefully, he will get a response to that. If we do move, I had planned to really set up the photo biz in a big way. I would like to do that, but I may have to get a job. I will have to work around homeschooling JA. Dean doesn't like the idea of me working. I am just so tired of being behind. At the moment we can't afford his medicines. We can't addord the 100 it takes to keep my web site up and running for another year. This has just gotten bad.

Right now, I can't sleep. Everytime I lay down or even slump, my coughing starts with a vengence. I went back to the doctor today at the free clinis. I have walking pneumonia. Dean said quite walking. I have. I have just been a fixture on my corner of the couch. Today the extended family came over for dinner. Marie made a really yummy deep dish pizza. Yesterday we had home made tamales from the lady who works with Dean. they were awesome. My mouth is really sore from several days of sucking on cough drops. I would love some buttermilk to soothe them, but am avoiding dairy because of the cough. She did give me some cough meds. As long as I sit upright I do pretty good with them. Well, it is finally time to take the next one, so I am going to do that and dry to grab a few minutes of sleep. before it wears off.

I have coughed so much my broken hand is really sore. Last night I was miserable. I wanted to cry, but that only stopped my head up more. Tonight it really is a lot better.

The healthcare crisis and how it effects us

As I have posted, we have no insurance. I wrote a nice little piece while sitting at the free clinic sponsored by a local church last Saturday. I have been really sick. If you know me, you know that every cold settles in my chest and can get really nasty. That is exactly what happened.

I started taking all the over the counter stuff I had given Eric to help him shake it. It didn't work for me. Instead, I got a double ear infection, bronchitis, upper respiratory infection and asthma. What a fun time I am having.

I sat at the clinic and wrote what a shame it is that those of us who make a decent salary can not afford health insurance. We don't get housing subsidized. The only food cost break I get is coupons and comparison shopping. It really is frustrating. By the time you add up the free stuff so many people get, they are making more money than we are.

We need to sell our house. That would really help us.

We didn't know until Dean got his check that they were docking him the two days it took for us to go to Ruston to get Eric. He has worked over 57 hours of overtime since Jan , but I guess they did not count that for anything. It is really crazy since he had a meeting with his boss last week and told him how bad off we are financially. What a shock when I opened the check. I am not sure how I am going to meet all the bills this week.

Mom, Troy and Jamie are here. They got her Saturday afternoon. We went out to the mountain state park for them to hike around. Dean sat in the car with me. Jamie decided to run after being told not to. If she had run on the path, it would have not been so bad. Instead, she ran through the vegetation- vegetation in El Paso is primarily cactus. Mom and JoyAnna had to take her to the hospital to have them but out of her knee. Craziness.

On Sunday, we took them and the dogs to White Sands. We had bought a pass a few months ago, so all it costs to go is the gas. We took a picnic, so that was a very cheap day outing. I spent most of the time sitting. I couldn't slide because of my hand and being so sick. Everyone including dogs had a wonderful time.

Everyone was so worn out last night even the dogs went to bed by 9. I tried, but I coughed most of the night. Today, Joy Anna went shopping with Mom, Troy and Jamie. I stayed home and tried to sleep. I did a little. I am so stuffed up, even my teeth hurt. They won't let me take much because of my blood pressure. Today Megan went and got me some whiskey. We have mixed it with everything suggested on the internet. My coughing has been greatly reduced. I thought I would be sleepy, but I am not. Hopefully, tomorrow will be much better.

Megan and Kali are leaving on the 25th. We don't have a ton of time left with them. We are wanting to spend time with them. We want to spend time with mom and them too. We are planning on the zoo tomorrow.

Eric got an official Invite

Yep, it came two days ago- an official inviation to go to the Conference for the IMB Journeyman program. He had worked for weeks on getting everything in to them. Then he waited weeks for them to issue the inviation. When he work up on Saturday morning he had an email stating that he had passed the health portion. He got the invite two days ago and had to know within 24 hours where he would be traveling from and to. He and Dean are hoping to go on the annual men's fishing trip the weekend before the conference. He was hoping he could fly out from Arkansas, but it is not going to work out that way. He sent his reply in and in 38 minutes he had an e-ticket ready for him. They were right on top of that.

Now we wait. Waiting is something I really do a lot now. The lesson this week at Bible Study concluded with the verse about waiting upon the Lord. Wait- our timing is not his. Wait.

Dean's boss came on Monday. Dean thought he was coming to talk to him about the project - to get an update. Nope, he came to talk to Dean about us moving to Corpus. Dean told him the money was not what we needed. We are struggling. He said he would have to see about it. They really want Dean there. This guy has a great reputation. Very well respected firm. Had we not come here to EP, there is no way that this guy would have ever hired Dean. Maybe this is one of the reasons we are here?

You know I have hated a lot about the move and the effects of the move. There have been so many things that are good that we would have missed out on had we not moved here. There are so many people we have met, so many opportunities we have had. Yes there have been some really great parts. I hope one day we look back and realize the good did outweigh the bad.

What a week and a day- surely it lasted MUCH longer than that

Well, let's see what all has been going on. We got the house moved around and it is looking great. Except for Eric's room- I had such big plans. Of course my plans don't usually go as planned.

Our big deal was trying to find a way to bring Eric home. I had no idea that going to consume so much of my time. We tried to rent a truck. That story is really LONG. I can post it later. Because we were having issues finding a truck, I thought maybe we could go trade in our car for something that will pull a trailer. We really need to get rid of the sebring anyway because we owe way too much on it. Dean went in and told them that we had lousy credit and owed too much on the car, but the guy said no problem at all. You know if it sounds too good . . .

He brought home a car- we loved it- it was a chevy traverse. Really wonderful right up til the time we went back to really buy it- then yep, the louy credit and owing too much were a problem after all. Delightful day- not.

That led us up to Wednesday when we finally got a truck about 7:30pm before leaving at 6 am Thursday on the trip.

Dean and I had a nice quiet day- we really enjoyed the xm radio where we could not ever have to switch stations- awesome. It was a really, really long day- we got to shreveport late like 8pm. Dean realized he had left his clothes at home so we had to make a walmart run. I was not happy he wasn't really dressed up for graduation, but he looked fine.

On Friday Eric came over and we went to Ross to look for the prom dress JoyAnna wants in another color. No luck. She did get a few things from Nana B. I found a cute top on clearance 8.00 :) so, I got that to wear to graduation. We went to El Chico's - Nana treated us- even though she can't imagine why we want mexican food when we live in El Paso. Next we headed to Castor to visit Dean's dad and Patti. We visited a while and headed even further into rural LA to eat catfish. Eric pigged out on a giant platter. Dean had catfish and I had a steak- yeah, I know, but I am not that much into fish. It was a really popular place to eat, so we had to wait a really, really long time. It was nice to get to visit while we waited, though.

We got up really early on Saturday and headed to Ruston. I rode with Eric and we got to visit. Tha was really nice. Ranger was really glad to see us. We had no idea how much stuff Eric had accumulated over the years. We filled up the truck- higher than the cab. We also packed the crew cab and Eric's car. Mom, Troy, and Billie came over to the house. Eric said he would like to have bar b q. I picked us up some really yummy sandwiches on whole wheat sourdough.

We met Bill and Shari and Johnny and Patti over at the baskeball arena for graduation. There were 9 of us. I tried to sit on a back row. they said it was for elderly and handicapped- I tried to tell them that everyone else was old or disabled, but they didn't believe me.

I was so proud of Eric. He graduated with a 3.49- barely missing honors. Oh well. We are still so proud of him. I met several of his friends and his Sunday School teacher. They all had such nice things to say about him.

After graduation, we went back to the 708 and picked up Ranger and started ono ur way. We went to the crawfish palace in Haughton where we met Ricky, Sheila and Joey. That made 13 in our party. The place was quite 'happening' it is like a huge screened in porch with ceiling fans. They didn't serve any drinks on ice. They had no forks or spoons. Lots of paper towells on the table. They served the crawfish in huge trays. It was so much fun. I got boiled shrimp - hot but not too spicy. Loved the hot, but was wishing for more spice. It was still pretty dadgum good, though.

It was so much fun to hang out with everyone. The waitress yelled out to everyone that eric was a graduate from tech. He got a pink lei. Pretty fun night.

We got back on the road early this morning- 13 hours is a long, long time in the car. Ranger was not a happy camper when I drove Eric's car. He thought Eric left him. It took forever to get everything unloaded. Tonight Eric is really sick. He is coughing like crazy. I hope tomorrow he feels better.