Monday, November 15, 2010


Last night was one of those nights when I found it hard to sleep. I have never been a good night sleeper, but when I am stressed, it is even worse. I wasn't flipping channels, the television was just still on from when Dean went to bed. I wasn't paying much attention at all. I hadn't even realized when a preacher came on the channel. He was speaking about loss and restoration. That really hit me.

For more than 2 years, I have felt an intense loss - loss of our home in Longview- our friends, our family being close, our house. I have never been very materialistic. Until this house in El Paso, when we looked for a house, we looked for something where our family would be comfortable, but where we could host gatherings for our Sunday School class or other church things. At Mobberly, we looked for a place where we would be able to host the youth for all kinds of events. We wanted to find a place like that here, but in reality, we took the only one we could find that had three bedrooms and allowed dogs.

I have allowed myself to be miserable here. I have held on to that loss like it was a security blanket - like it gave me identity. That is not the way I want to be. I don't want to live miserable or with regret. I don't want to be gloomy and always feel like I have suffered a great loss. I remind myself of Eeyore - he is always gloomy and has lost his tail. Like Eeyore, I have had wonderful friends who have come alongside me and tried to encourage me. I have continued to live in a negative world.

It is time to move on. Yesterday, my dear friend Amy and I were chatting. She has always been the kind of friend who will speak up and make me face the real issues within me. She doesn't just stop at the surface. I read what she was saying. I really can let go of the house. I called Dean and suggested that we make a counter offer. He worked on a couple of different proposals. I was okay with them. I could live with any of them. Then, he met with a friend who is a realtor. They talked about the options. Rick was in the middle of putting them together when we got a rude email from them. That sort of put those right out the window.

And so, the struggle continues with selling the house. The feeling of loss is still here. Every time something happens with the house, I feel the same intense loss all over again.

Last night when the television preacher talked about loss and restoration, I was listening. I got up this morning and starting reading scriptures that deal with restoration - I am no longer going to focus on the loss - just the restoration. I used google and looked up some different things about what scripture says about restoration. One of the sites was talking about lent and the significance of the 40 days. I looked and 40 days from today is Christmas Day. I am going to focus on restoration for the next 40 days. I will focus on allowing God to work in my to bring restoration. Jesus came on that original Christmas to restore the world's relationship to the Father. I am going to use the next 40 days and restore my relationship with Him.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Letting go of things you can not control sounds like a good idea. I know you have strong faith now just follow through with it. These days too shall past. Wishing you success with the house. I know it is no fun to have to worry about money.